So that’s me: Blond, short (1.67m) and I never feel the need to iron my clothes and I often wash them too hot, so… Barbara, I’m your man! Er… I mean, of course, Your new Bond!
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I prefer Bond being an alcohol snob (with all things food, drink and style really), but I could accept him drinking beer occasionally. The beginning of Skyfall when he’s presumed dead, laying on the bed and downing a bottle is okay with me. He’s in a depressed state and lacks purpose. I think it worked well there.
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September 23.
As with yesterday, you are charged with coming up with ideas for new Bond films, but all that you have to go on are the films 2006-2021, being all that exists of “James Bond”.
Today’s choices:
- Bond is a visibly emotional man, perpetually haunted by old traumas
- Bond is absolutely reliant upon his mobile 'phone
- Bond favours American tailoring over British
- Still not tempted by any of those
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voters
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Difficult. Having Bond primarily beating about in Italy was nice for a while - and my choice yesterday - but I do wonder if people might want to see more of the world if we bring back the old Blues howler? Maybe a spot of France for a change? But would that still be Bond? Humhum…
Bond being dependent on his mobile isn’t a question for me, much like people being dependent on cars. We’ll have difficulty showing a contemporary secret agent not having some mobile thingy. We might get around it with some kind of implant and contact lenses projecting a visual interface. But not including that technology would seem outdated. Bit like having Bond smoke cigarettes; can anybody even imagine that?
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The trauma stuff I would love to see in a fellow agent - just for Bond to witness how that sulking and induced stubborn egotism kills that agent off. So that Bond now realizes: maybe I should change my tune in order to stay alive.
The phone, well, apart from being essential, I would also love to see how another agent gets literally canned because he/she/they were just too attuned to it. Having a pager explode is now not even science fiction anymore.
The tailoring - is that even important these days? Aside from tailors trying to make a living? Shouldn’t Q now make Bond´s suits with extra armor-plated insides (hey, John Wick has those!)?
But the more I think about this new Bond guy of the only one era… He really didn’t have too much to reboot.
Only let’s scrap that weird car. That one has got to go. The new era must have him travel on public transportation only. For blending in, you know.
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We’ll have him ride a bike! I already have the pedals to go with it…
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Signed by Double B and available in the Bond store as limited edition, only 500 Euros. Per pedal, of course.
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Definitely the whisky. It’s more financial support and harkens back to novel Goldfinger’s opening chapter.
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Three for the ash heap.
Trauma narratives are passé.
Cellphone when needed, but not reliant.
Athleisure doesn’t know from tailoring.
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September 24.
Still only able to “borrow” stuff from the 2006-2021 films to make your new “James Bond”, and realisation dawning that there might not be much worth bothering with, your choices today:
- Bond has an old Aston Martin DB5 that he won in a card game. This is James Bond’s car. Occasionally he might hire a Volvo.
- Bond has a pointed/cynical/political relationship with his CIA contact.
- Bond has a (if quasi-) family connection to a villain.
- None of these, but it was exceptionally kind of you to ask.
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voters
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The Leiter/CIA relationship has been handled quite organically, that’s a thing to keep and possibly build up on. Not in every film, but every once in a while and ideally not predictably*.
Of course that will only be possible if we don’t a) have to recast the character (should we make Leiter a woman? Felicia Leiter? 
) or b) kill him off without good reason.
*Always provided we can get off a first one and it’s successful enough to justify another.
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I´d go for the CIA-relationship. But maybe this time one does not just accept that Leiter immediately likes his Brother from London. Instead they could/should be at odds with each other, learning to cooperate but never trust each other completely.
I´d even go for the Felicia Leiter-variant, substituting Bond´s ongoing Moneypenny-attraction. Two agents with a special relationship.
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The CIA, but I guess that depends how this next election goes…
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Thanks for asking, unless of course it’s an old white Volvo P1800, a 1962 if I’m not mistaken…
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The Bromance of James and Felix. What could be better? (Who needs Felicia?)
After a quick holiday on Mykonos, they come back and are both assigned to the same case. But unbeknownst to the other, each has been told by their agencies to keep an eye on the other, since they might be a mole. Hi-tech hijinks ensue.
James Bond meets MICKEY AND NICKY.
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September 25 and for reasons that are more expensive to explain than to implement, you’re still tasked with advising on the referencing of that “James Bond” series of 2006-2021 that is rapidly fading from memory, into a fresh re-start.
Surely there must be some referencing, otherwise it’s NOT THE JAMES BOND WE KNOW AND LOVE. Or something.
Today’s thoughts, such as they are:
- Bond is a perpetual rogue agent although tending to be useful to M as a blunt instrument.
- Everything goes a bit blue/orange at times, so we need a cinematographer who does that.
- M is a compromised figure whose acts / omissions, whether recent or historical, put both the general public and Bond in danger.
- Really really really really really none of these. Really. Must I beg? I’ll beg if I have to.
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voters
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Although I would wish to attempt again to be funny (pathetic, cue the kung fu parody), I really am attracted to (perv!) the idea of M being kind of intentionally the villain of the future series.
Unleashing Bond on the world is bad enough, that blunt rogue with a license to kill for the government (hah, for himself, of course), but then employing an idiot who was supposed to be good with computers (because he is young) but only compromised the whole network by not installing good anti-virus software and still plugging in everything (the same mistake that “black Nazi” did, oh, how prescient again), afterwards killing the Nine Eyes program which would have clearly shown M planning the nano virus-scheme to infect everyone…
Yes, M is definitely the biggest danger Bond has to protect us from.
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A high ranking figure in the British government not being at least a bit scummy would be too fantastical, even for Bond.
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This.
We’ll spin that relaunch of ‘Bond, James Bond; 2006 - 2021’ on this Oberhauser (what was his strange name he adopted? I forget) being the good guy. And this Spectre-thingy is a consumer rights NGO (think of a WikiLeaks/Assange vibe, maybe cast Jesse Eisenberg with heavy Penguin-style makeup and a white buckskin jacket).
Bond meanwhile - the SIS; the entire civil service! - is just the victimised tool of a ruthless delusional villain in M’s chair, a slobbering, fat toff idiot incoherently reciting Kipling and scheming to build an empire of debility where the sun never sets (something with the internet and artificial creativity, we’ll let ChatGPT deliberate the specifics). We’re in talks with somebody just perfect for that part…
Bond is M’s stepchild, vying for his recognition, taking on the most bizarre and suicidal missions in order to prove himself worthy and killing everybody standing between M and his dream of world dominance.
One night, after a hard day’s work of killing scores of good, honest Spectre-civic-journalists on the verge of unmasking M’s plans, Bond hears suspicious sounds from M’s office after hours and investigates. He spots M atop his desk in a bizarre dance with a giant Fabergé globe of gold and gems - dressed in Queen Victoria drag!
This traumatises Bond to the point of total emotional breakdown and amnesia of what he’s just seen. Subsequently, he begins to self-medicate his condition with crisps and bubble tea - until Oberhauser’s trusty sidekick Irma la Bunt (we’re in talks with Kate Winslet) takes Bond in for an intervention. She brushes his teeth, changes his diet and gradually Bond regains his memory of the unspeakable experiences he’s made. He shares his observation and in turn Irma and Oberhauser share their knowledge of M’s crimes and plans.
Together, the three of them save the world from M’s evil influence - and Bond finds a new foster family in Franz and Irma.
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Let’s have the series go rogue, and forswear Rogue Bond.
M as compromised figure. Been there. Done that. On blu-ray.
Mandating a cinematographer’s palette?
Good to encourage them to avoid tourist-lush images, but need to respect boundaries.
So for this question, I must go with none of the above.
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