After ON HER MAJESTY’S I followed up with DIAMONDS and just jotted down my off the cuff reactions:
First absurd thing - if we just ignore Bond beating up and interrogating some guy in public in a Cairo casino - is the Blofeld double resting near-completely submerged in some mud bathtub. With a revolver at the ready.
Next: three seconds later the same guy who was just fine and toasty submerged in whatever this brown sludge is supposed to be, drowns fatally because Bond empties another half tub on him - that mostly spills over the brim. How is this supposed to be deadly?
‘A diamond? In a ring?’
Splendid idea, Moneypenny! This is the guy who just lost his wife and avenged her during his holidays. Your chance to grab him and see if you can do better than that chit of a girl of the year before last. Go for it! Then again, that’s just par for the course with M who openly hates ConneryBond and only just kicked his broad backside metaphorically by suggesting now that Blofeld is dead he might actually start working again…
Has Connery always carried himself so hunched forward? I never noticed.
What’s the point of fixing a win for Tiffany Case in a way even a kid can see through?
And why would guys playing astronauts move in moon-slo-mo when they want to head off an intruder?
Moon buggy chase: we can’t be arsed to pull this above roadrunner level, get used to it.
That Nevada state trooper with the helmet and the sunglasses in the glaring Vegas neon night…
Actually, we cannot be arsed to make any special effects above tin can telephone level - but those we can make look like a Wes Anderson composition.
And while most of this reads critical of the film - because it is - that’s also testament to the strange fascination DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER holds: this film almost completely does away with the virtues of its predecessor, no story, no adventure, almost no thrills and no action to speak of. Its only special effect is Connery (in almost every frame); its only spectacle is how Connery-as-Bond is entirely beyond the reach of a script or critical assessment. This is meta-showman Bond and the only sensation worth watching: how the absurdities stack up around him - even on him - and how he keeps his cool while his surroundings swoon.
For long years we fans considered this a nadir, a failure, a missed opportunity. But history teaches us it was exactly that drift into self parody the series needed to survive. Would Moore have been interested without the series on financially solid ground? Would the era of circus act Bond have been so successful without the concession to fluff and fun? That’s questionable.
Insofar, all that’s right with DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.