We pick up where we left off, with Bond (Daniel Craig) and Madeleine (a CGI simulation of Lea Seydoux, who’s “moved on, thank you”) driving to a hotel outside London. They turn on the TV in their room only to find every channel showing a marathon of “Fuller House,” quickly rendering them unconscious. When he wakes, Bond finds himself in a mysterious location referred to only as “The Village,” where everyone calls him “Number 7” and takes orders from a man known only as “Ten” (David Tenant).
In another triumph for fans who champion Craig as the “most Fleming” of all movie Bonds, our hero strips to his speedos, lifts Ten over his head and hurls him through multiple layers of sheetrock.
Bond is then chased down the shoreline by an ominous, sentient beach ball (Val Kilmer) but at the last moment, the Aston Martin DB5 appears and bursts the beachball, swooping up Bond and driving him to safety by traveling, Messiah-like, over the surface of the water. Having achieved sentience, the DB5 joins with Craig-Bond (who’s nearly achieved it himself) to win a series of cross-country road races and engage in hilarious hi-jinks.
Credits roll. The Aston Martin Will Return.