The June 2023 Deathmatches are played out, and the month is awash with blood, viscera, disjecta membra and the occasional bionic eyeball, although no-one knows nor cares where that came from.
Whilst the slightly pointless exercise of putting the statistics together takes place, and as there are a few days left, some quick votes per remaining day.
28 June - Die Another Day Another Day
Although this year it may yet surprise us (it would be a bloody big surprise), across the Deathmatches and across the years to date, Die Another Day elements havenât scored particularly well. Not always bottom of the category but itâs a perpetual long shot to get out of a Group Stage and into Round 2. Titles, perhaps.
Itâll remain in the Deathmatches, of course, for it is an Eon production and they must be held perpetually accountable for it, but does it theoretically stack up against its most obvious replacement, Never Say Never Again, in the current categories?
(NB Iâm not bringing Never Say Never Again into Deathmatches until we have a number that works with the Group Structure - 26 doesnât. 27 doesnât really. 28 might. However this will mean we need Eon26 and Eon27 first and as thatâll only happen by 2048, Iâll be too old to remember Never Say Never Again anyway).
For 6, Iâve gone with Zao as Hench rather than Miranda Frost. However the final vote will determine the issue for Septemberâs run of Deathmatches. Category 8âs a bit weak but weâre not dealing with particularly good films here, are we? Now get to work.
1. Villain
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
2. Film
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
3. Song
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
4. Bond
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
5. Women (Jinx v Domino)
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
6. Henchperson (Zao v Fatima Blush)
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
7. Titles
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
8. Victim (General Moon v Nicole)
Die Another Day
Never Say Never Again
0voters
Decide who qualifies for Septemberâs Henchperson Deathmatch - who is the principal Henchperson of Die Another Day?
I went with Die Another Day on everything except victim (Nicole).
As for henchperson, itâs Tan Ling Zao. Heâs Tan-Sun Moonâs buddy and second in command and Bond deals with him more in confrontations. Miranda Frost is good, but sheâs a mole, working more behind the scenes than out and out confrontations until the very end. So Zao is the primary henchman.
The villains of NSNA would grace any Eon production. In a film with much that doesnât land, they nailed it with the casting and scripting of the villains.
I must confess: I really love the song âNever say never againâ and never understood the dislike. It is sunny and hopeful, perfectly attuned to the early 80âs Bond songs.
But thatâs part of the concept: in the days of old, âRânâBâ stood for âRhythm and Bluesâ. Nowadays, it stands fo âRepetitive and Boringâ.
I have to confess, Iâm starting to feel bad and a little guilty about DAD. Having been soundly trounced by all the âofficialâ films, now it gets a shot at redemption against NSNA and I end up voting for the Connery film in every category but âtitlesâ (which NSNA only qualifies for in the sense of âwords that appear on the screenâ).
If anything, itâs made me think of NSNA a bit differently. Iâm not a fan, but when you break it down into these categories, in some ways I think it might beat up on entries I like much better, overall.
Also, Miranda is more of a âco-conspiratorâ than a henchperson. âBack-up villain,â maybe?
Now wondering whether it would have been any more or less offensive if Colonel Moon had âDNA-replacement therapiedâ into Miranda Frost, and all that would have entailed. Probably more offensive (and therefore what we do get is a pulled punch, unusual for the film), but given that Bond slept with her, that would have been EPIC. And given Mr Brosnan plenty to âdo actingâ about.
