Barging open the door with his shoulder; how uncouth. Gun the bugger down.
Born in a barn, were you, Bond?
4 Likes
I forgot about the awnings. All that time waiting on that rooftop with m’sniper rifle and there were awnings. Curse you.
Still, I hope Scott’s soup of the day - Scorpion Bisque - did you some damage.
Awww…Dearest…
I still embrace the holiday season for the box of Scorpions that always arrives as something from either Harrods or Fortnum’s or Dunhill…
Not to mention the heavy shipping and import bribery that went into delivering the same box to Dubai when I was visiting Miss Brand (special thanks on that - watching her crawl about the suite at the Hilton JBR in her bikini was enjoyable as she cooed and herded the little guys back into the box was adorable - she has a way with them) not to mention the malnourished leopard (Geoff) in the mini bar that never showed up…Apparently he’s been adopted by one of the “Real House Wife’s of Dubai” whose daughter likes playing “make over” with him…Poor sod…
I look forward to the Holidays and the Deathmatch.
Do let me know how your next lair turns out. A tip of the hat on continuing to operate Musk as your AI minion though. Genius. 
6 Likes
That might have been the last crate of scorpions before the outrageous import tariffs land; ah well.
Elon is all going to plan, albeit has turned out much more obnoxious and pot-bellied than the instructions on the box promised. Considerably.
I do hope you and yours are well. If only because I don’t want anything else to get yer. I crave the satisfaction of your oblivion, m’poppet.
Be seeing you.
5 Likes
Be seeing you.
Nod to “The Prisoner” - Nice. Truly Snookums, rather than a sudden and elaborate death, I’ve always figured I’d get gassed (not by some good single malt Scotch old enough to buy itself) and wake up in your Village. Do, out of courtesy and respect, make me “Number 3”. One can dream.
P.S. - If I do end up in your “Village”, Miss Brand and her collection of bikini’s and inordinate amount of over priced lingerie I’ve bought for her would be a lovely addition. Just a respectful request.
It is rather both lovely and professional to be dealing/bartering with a supervillain directly. Batman has to be super pissed at you. He just doesn’t get the dynamic.
Love to you and yours. 
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7 Likes
And why, pray, do you think we’re not already there, Number Three? After all, my offspring semi-regularly refer to me as a Number Two. I think it’s a Prisoner reference.
3 Likes
With the Group Stage for All Those Other Villains done, fallout is:
| Group A | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| FRWL | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 46 | 14 | 32 | 76.65 | 12 |
| LALD | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 43 | 17 | 26 | 71.65 | 9 |
| Dr No | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 29 | 31 | -2 | 48.35 | 6 |
| NTTD | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 19 | 41 | -22 | 31.65 | 3 |
| GGun | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 13 | 47 | -34 | 21.7 | 0 |
Few surprises here although gratifying to see some recognition of the quality of secondary mischief in Dr No, and that’s a strong percentage outcome for Live and Let Die’s cross-section of sinister society. No Time to Die starts a trend regarding more recent films, adherent to observations made already regarding the success or otherwise of revent main Villains and Henchbods; i.e., not very good.
| Group B | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Thunderball | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 46 | 9 | 37 | 83.8 | 12 |
| YOLT | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 39 | 17 | 22 | 62.9 | 9 |
| AVTAK | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 29 | 27 | 2 | 51.8 | 6 |
| GoldenEye | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 19 | 36 | -17 | 34.08 | 3 |
| Skyfall | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 6 | 50 | -44 | 10.68 | 0 |
Oh dear; that’s a wretched outcome for Skyfall albeit not that surprising as everything seems to have been poured into the main Villain (who traditionally does well) and every other miscreant is ill-served. GIVE US PROPER AND COLOURFUL VILLAINS. GoldenEye a bit of a surprise because it does try to hand around the naughtiness reasonably evenly, but a warmly satisfying showing for A View to a Kill’s rogues gallery; they’re so weird. The top 2 were probably a foregone conclusion.
| Group C | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| TSWLM | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 45 | 11 | 34 | 80.38 | 12 |
| OHMSS | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 33 | 22 | 11 | 60.23 | 9 |
| Octopussy | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 34 | 22 | 12 | 60.73 | 6 |
| Spectre | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 16 | 38 | -22 | 29.03 | 3 |
| QoS | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 10 | 45 | -35 | 19.65 | 0 |
Oh look, the more recent films do very badly again. It’s all most, most poor. Octopussy, which I’d forgotten was a seed, finishes third just on games won / points but that’s a solid performance generally. Winner here is no great surprise: Sandor, Naomi and a load of submariners dressed in a vile orangey-pink getup; awesome.
| Group D | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| DAF | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 38 | 18 | 20 | 67.85 | 12 |
| CR | 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 31 | 25 | 6 | 55.35 | 7 |
| TND | 4 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 26 | 30 | -4 | 46.43 | 5 |
| FYEO | 4 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 26 | 30 | -4 | 46.43 | 4 |
| TLD | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 19 | 37 | -18 | 33.95 | 0 |
Messy group this; clear winner, although it’s not the strongest of the group wins but it’s a right royal roster of rapscallions, is Diamonds are Forever. Casino Royale squeaks by and slightly bucks (that’s bucks) the trend of more recent films performing appallingly in this category, but it probably won’t last and it’s outside the top ten already. Both Tomorrow Never Dies and For Your Eyes Only get through, Tomorrow Never Dies just ahead and that’s probably the Dr Kaufmann factor. Yay Dr Kaufmann.
| Group E | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Moonraker | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 55 | 9 | 46 | 85.95 | 12 |
| Goldfinger | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 45 | 17 | 28 | 73.45 | 9 |
| LTK | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 32 | 30 | 2 | 52.5 | 6 |
| TWINE | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 14 | 48 | -34 | 23.1 | 3 |
| DAD | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 51 | -42 | 15 | 0 |
It’s The Group with Die Another Day in it, so… the usual, although that’s not the worst performance of this Group Stage. Would have thought Miranda Frost would have gathered more interest although I accept that Mr Kil is a completely absurd figure and probably cancels her out. Again, the more recent it is, the quicker it all sinks to the bottom… Moonraker hitting the heights, though. Good.
Form table after Group Stage
| Film (seed) | % | Group outcome | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Moonraker (5) | 85.95 | Winner E |
| 2 | Thunderball (2) | 83.8 | Winner B |
| 3 | TSWLM (3) | 80.38 | Winner C |
| 4 | From Russia with Love (1) | 76.65 | Winner A |
| 5 | Goldfinger (6) | 73.45 | Runner-Up E |
| 6 | Live and Let Die (10) | 71.65 | Runner-Up A |
| 7 | DAF (4) | 67.85 | Winner D |
| 8 | You Only Live Twice (9) | 62.9 | Runner-Up B |
| 9 | Octopussy (8) | 60.73 | Lucky Loser 1 |
| 10 | OHMSS | 60.23 | Runner-Up C |
| 11 | Casino Royale (7) | 55.35 | Runner-Up D |
| 12 | Licence to Kill | 52.5 | Lucky Loser 2 |
| 13 | A View to a Kill | 51.8 | Lucky Loser 3 |
| 14 | Dr No | 48.35 | Lucky Loser 4 |
| 15 | TND | 46.43 | Lucky Loser 5 |
| 16 | For Your Eyes Only | 46.43 | Lucky Loser 6 |
| 17 | GoldenEye | 34.08 | |
| 18 | The Living Daylights | 33.95 | |
| 19 | No Time to Die | 31.65 | |
| 20 | Spectre | 29.03 | |
| 21 | TWINE | 23.1 | |
| 22 | TMwtGG | 21.7 | |
| 23 | QoSolace | 19.65 | |
| 24 | Die Another Day | 15 | |
| 25 | Skyfall | 10.68 |
The most recent gang of accompanying dastardlies in the Top Ten is sodding Octopussy. Blimey. They just haven’t bothered recently, have they? Spent so much time on Bond, it’s pushed the capacity for any other interesting characters right out. Forget Bond, reboot the villains first, then just hire some spod in a suit to defeat them. That’s my advice / demand and I legitmately expect it to be obeyed because I am on the internet.
The Man with the Golden Gun and The Living Daylights aside, everything up to and including Licence to Kill gets into the Second Round. If I understood my point, I would say that proves it.
6 Likes
With the Second Round of Them What Also Do Bad deathmatched out, form table…
| Film | Form | (% shift) / form shift | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Moonraker | 84.06 | (-1.89) / - |
| 2 | Thunderball | 83.04 | (-0.76) / - |
| 3 | The Spy who Loved Me | 81.80 | (+1.42) / - |
| 4 | FRWL | 74.26 | (-2.39) / - |
| 5 | Live and Let Die | 73.58 | (+1.93) / +1 |
| 6 | Goldfinger | 72.88 | (-0.57) / -1 |
| 7 | Diamonds are Forever | 68.94 | (+1.29) / - |
| 8 | You Only Live Twice | 60.9 | (-2) / - |
| 9 | Octopussy | 55.64 | (-5.09) / - |
| 10 | OHMSS | 54.06 | (-6.17) / - |
| 11 | Casino Royale | 53.7 | (-1.65) / - |
| 12 | Licence to Kill | 46 | (-6.5) / - |
| 13 | Dr No | 44.02 | (-4.33) / +1 |
| 14 | A View to a Kill | 43.94 | (-7.86) / -1 |
| 15 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 41.84 | (-4.59) / - |
| 16 | For Your Eyes Only | 40.89 | (-5.55) / - |
| 17 | GoldenEye | 34.08 | |
| 18 | The Living Daylights | 33.95 | |
| 19 | No Time to Die | 31.65 | |
| 20 | Spectre | 29.03 | |
| 21 | TWINE | 23.1 | |
| 22 | TMwtGG | 21.7 | |
| 23 | QoSolace | 19.65 | |
| 24 | Die Another Day | 15 | |
| 25 | Skyfall | 10.68 |
A few movements here and there but perhaps not as epic as other Second Rounds have proven in the past in disrupting things.
More epic and disruptive are THE FACTS!!!
- There’s nothing since 1983 in the Top Ten.
- There’s nothing since 1979 in the Quarter-Finals
Fact me 'till I’m flatulent, but that’s really not remotely satisfactory.
5 Likes
It can´t be in relation to our birth dates, can it?
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There may be some unconscious community bias towards the Bonds of a collective period of youth / first exposure to Bond in that time as a treat on the television or, thrillingly, a trip to the cinema; I suspect many of us were of a suitable age in the 1970s/1980s/early 1990s.
However that might not play out in all Deathmatches; perhaps those older films did just give “more” in terms of threats coming from a variety of places. Has the “colour” drained from Bond, that exposure to the bizarre (often the domain of these secondary villains, who if featuring more may have become a smidge wearisome; I wouldn’t tolerate Baron Samedi, Dr Kaufmann, Mortner or Naomi as major villains but such as there is of them is a bit of a treat when they do pop up, menace a bit and then pop off again)?
6 Likes
Fully agreed.
I struggle to remember (maybe just my age… no, no, it must be the films!) secondary villains from the Craig era, except Hinx (and he went away too soon). The mechanical eye-camera guy from the last one was just… there. Elvis… um. And primary Silva overshadowed everyone else.
So - yeah, make the secondary ones more… secondary. All these helpful chaps.
4 Likes
It may be that, through money and sponsorship, what was a pretty conservative family business has become very corporate, this tends to stifle the bizarre as otherness" is not really a corporate buzz word.
It’s like I’m so much more free to lean into the bizarre in my business than my corporate competition across the street so little things like dancing on the bar, using large TVs to show old movies rather than sport, are the same as Baron Samadi v Elvis.
Anyone in London btw do pop in to say hello
5 Likes
There may be a risk of offending fifteen foot tall cackling unkillable voodoo demons, true. We are a significant pressure group #sameditoo.
I accept we may have moved on (thankfully) from lazy shorthand for bizarre being short of height or using a wheelchair or the like, but Shady Tree’s pretty bizarre and colourful without physcial defect and he’s pretty memorable. Likewise Vargas, Kriegler, Krilencu, Bambi & Thumper etc., and it may just be repetition of viewing that I can bring them easily to mind, these cameo connivers. Struggle to name anyone of the recent run save perhaps Kratt, and that’s only because he savages a chair. Which I suppose is bizarre.
6 Likes
Yes, of the Daniel Craig films, only Casino Royale has much in the way of secondary henchmen. Quantum Of Solace has a few, but they don’t really stand out, and, as for the rest of his tenure, other than one or maybe two guys per film, that’s it.
Which brings up a point of the recent films, unlike the pre-1990s, there just haven’t been a lot of secondary characters to fill up the villain’s rosters–bizarre or otherwise. The '60s, '70s, and '80s had several secondary characters to menace James Bond, but post the '90s, not so much. GoldenEye had some quality secondary henchmen, but really only two. Tomorrow Never Dies? Two or three. The World Is Not Enough had a few secondary henchmen, but they really weren’t bizarre. And Die Another Day had only two or three.
Also in the Craig era, hardly any allies helped him outside his Scooby Gang buddies in MI6. Pierce Brosnan had slightly more help, but not like those assisting the previous 007s.
So I don’t know if it’s the cost of the films or the actors’ and actresses’ salaries that is limiting the secondary characters or the scriptwriters just aren’t adding more fuel to the fire so to speak. But it’s another cool element that has been lost to the series in recent years. Consequently, it would be really nice to have a few more threats (bizarre and otherwise) as well as (non-Scooby Gang) allies in the films, just like in the old days.
6 Likes
Possibly all the effort and screentime in trying to convince us that Bond is so tormented and his own worst enemy, has prevented them giving us some actual worst enemies.
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The increased focus on Bond-the-individual-agent (with assists from the Scooby gang) reflects the cultural ascendance of hyper-individualism. The crew who comes together to save the day a la the late films of Howard Hawks is deeply out-of-fashion.
One difficulty is that when a significant portion of the audience is suspicious of/hostile to institutions, it is hard to posit an enemy worse than the institution(s) the hero is working on behalf of (and which also contribute to the hero’s torment).
3 Likes
I suppose it’s because most of these have a few lines of dialogue - and they go beyond ‘Mr Kil’. Krilencu, mostly stumm, we remember for the bizarre way he’s disposed while dangling from Ekberg’s lips.
There used to go more into the writing of that type of secondary villain, some lines drawing their personality/kink/madness. Or some vaguely extravagant way they are allowed to leave the stage. The smarmy Logan Ash was perhaps the last one - and Hinx before him - but with Ash there’s not really a feeling of dimension, he’s simply smarmy.
And Hinx was definitely underused for the promising potential he had. I wouldn’t have minded him returning, regardless if it was improbable. Nothing in the Craig years was truly ‘realistic’ - they just ground down ‘impossible’ enough until a veneer of realism fit over the concept.
7 Likes
Quarter-Finals for the Other Villainy spewed up a couple of draws, so worked through as follows.
From Russia with Love v Moonraker
Games won: 5 each - a point apiece
Votes won (including drawn Quarter-Final): FRWL 64, Moonraker 75 - point to Moonraker
Goal difference (including drawn Quarter-Final): FRWL 37, Moonraker 55 - point to Moonraker
Average (not including Quarter-Final): FRWL 74.26, Moonraker 84.06 - point to Moonraker
Biggest win margin: FRWL by 13, Moonraker by 16 - point to Moonraker
Walkovers: FRWL 0, Moonraker 1 - point to Moonraker
Group points score: FRWL 12, Moonraker 12 - a point apiece
Score against a common foe: no common foe, no points scored.
Tally-ho: Moonraker 7, From Russia with Love 2; Moonraker goes through. The Top seed is out.
Live and Let Die v Thunderball
Games won: Thunderball 5, Live and Let Die 4 - point to Thunderball
Votes won (including drawn Quarter-Final): LALD 63, Thunderball 65 - point to Thunderball
Goal difference (including drawn Quarter-Final): LALD 36, Thunderball 46 - point to Thunderball
Average (not including Quarter-Final): LALD 73.58, Thunderball 83.04- point to Thunderball
Biggest win margin: LALD by 13, Thunderball by 12 - point to Live and Let Die
Walkovers: LALD 0, Thunderball 0 - no points scored
Group points score: Live and Let Die 9, Thunderball 12 - point to Thunderball
Score against a common foe: no common foe, no points scored.
Tally-ho: Thunderball 5, Live and Let Die 1; Thunderball goes through, The Baron is out and you know he won’t like that.
Form table usual tosh to come.
4 Likes
Form table after Quarter-Finals for the Also Naughties
| Film | Form | (% shift) / form shift | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Spy who Loved Me | 81.27 | (-0.53) / +2 |
| 2 | Moonraker | 78.38 | (-5.68) / -1 |
| 3 | Thunderball | 77.53 | (-5.51) / -1 |
| 4 | Diamonds are Forever | 70.55 | (+1.61) / +3 |
| 5 | FRWL | 70.22 | (-4.04) / -1 |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 69.65 | (-3.93) / -1 |
| 7 | Goldfinger | 64.3 | (-8.58)) -1 |
| 8 | Octopussy | 55.64 | (-) / +1 |
| 9 | You Only Live Twice | 54.32 | (-6.58) / -1 |
| 10 | OHMSS | 54.06 | |
| 11 | Casino Royale | 53.7 | |
| 12 | Licence to Kill | 46 | |
| 13 | Dr No | 44.02 | |
| 14 | A View to a Kill | 43.94 | |
| 15 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 41.84 | |
| 16 | For Your Eyes Only | 40.89 | |
| 17 | GoldenEye | 34.08 | |
| 18 | The Living Daylights | 33.95 | |
| 19 | No Time to Die | 31.65 | |
| 20 | Spectre | 29.03 | |
| 21 | TWINE | 23.1 | |
| 22 | TMwtGG | 21.7 | |
| 23 | QoSolace | 19.65 | |
| 24 | Die Another Day | 15 | |
| 25 | Skyfall | 10.68 |
Bit of jiggery, fair old slab of pokery. Big form winner in this round is Diamonds are Forever, which seems quite novel although there are simply loads of secondary villains to choose from, so that probably helps.
The top four are fighting it out for the Deathmatch knockout crown overall, so it’s probably now that the overall Top Ten is settled, bar final placings… which are still to play for.
6 Likes
Semi-Finals of Lesser Cheeky Monkeys now done, form finds herself sailing forth as:
| Film | Form | (% shift) / form shift | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Moonraker | 76.43 | (-1.95) / +1 |
| 2 | The Spy who Loved Me | 74.70 | (-6.57) / -1 |
| 3 | Thunderball | 71.5 | (-6.03) / - |
| 4 | From Russia with Love | 70.22 | (-) / +1 |
| 5 | Diamonds are Forever | 69.71 | (-0.84) / -1 |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 69.65 | |
| 7 | Goldfinger | 64.3 | |
| 8 | Octopussy | 55.64 | |
| 9 | You Only Live Twice | 54.32 | |
| 10 | OHMSS | 54.06 | |
| 11 | Casino Royale | 53.7 | |
| 12 | Licence to Kill | 46 | |
| 13 | Dr No | 44.02 | |
| 14 | A View to a Kill | 43.94 | |
| 15 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 41.84 | |
| 16 | For Your Eyes Only | 40.89 | |
| 17 | GoldenEye | 34.08 | |
| 18 | The Living Daylights | 33.95 | |
| 19 | No Time to Die | 31.65 | |
| 20 | Spectre | 29.03 | |
| 21 | TWINE | 23.1 | |
| 22 | TMwtGG | 21.7 | |
| 23 | QoSolace | 19.65 | |
| 24 | Die Another Day | 15 | |
| 25 | Skyfall | 10.68 |
A little bit of movement, and that’s a pleasingly tight top four there so there’s still opportunity for experimentation and change. The Deathmatch Final finds Jaws, Cavendish, “Drax’s Boy” and Lady Victoria Devon on one side, to nibble away at Bambi & Thumber, Shady Tree’s Acorns and obvious asexual hermaphrodite Morton Slumber on the other. You cannot deny the sheer entertainiment value of this.
7 Likes