Asked and answered, your Honour. The floating metal tray.
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This one might be a tie. More people are likely to drink tea than ride a camel, but the logistics of installing an entire table with a magnetic levitation track seem needlessly complicated when you could just trop a bit of cyanide in Achmed’s tea. Plus the “tea tray” would raise eyebrows as it’s razor-thin and totally flat all the way out to the sides. Hardly practical.
Personally, I don’t think either is as useless as the spring-loaded “Sheik-in-the-Box” thingee which relies entirely on the victim landing head first. Otherwise the worst damage it would render is humiliation, like a whoopie cushion or water-squirting corsage.
I think the desert heat was getting to old Q.
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June 22.
Here comes Q
With dread, I say
Who’s he going to offend today?
It’s the people of probably Brazil, or most of South America (he thinks they are all the same; he is, as has been noted, a virulent racist)
Which is the more Q-seless?
- Exploding bolos; your dictator of choice has to stand completely still and not notice someone dressed in traditional costume whirling these around their head.
- Sleepy chap splitting to reveal a machine gun. How is this installed without anyone noticing?
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I chose the bolos - but actually it’s a draw. The problem with both is that your guy you want to install instead of the dictator oftentimes turns out to be an even worse dictator. And now he’s already aware of your tricks and avoids bolos and sleepy guys. And the only way to get rid of the creature is to invite him to a camel ride or a sushi restaurant. Tricky…
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Both must have been greeted at the presentation with „Oh, c‘mon Q, that silliness again? Just give us a new exploding pen, will ya?“
But I choose the machine gun chap. Installing him would really be a splitting (fnarr) headache.
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I’ve never looked at it as Q Branch trying to kill the rope climber. I always thought it was a gadget to raise the rope climber to a second or third floor to gain access to a building. Only in this case, the “rope” failed and bent before it could reach the necessary height.
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The bolos are more Q-less. If the bolos are worth their salt, do they even need to explode? Unless they’ve been made with ping-pong balls, I guess.
The sleepy chap is clearly more Q-racist (I know - sticking a Q in front is absolutely moronic on my part) - as if all South American regions are locked in a Magnificent Seven style time trap where the locals just sit around napping under their hats.
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Come to think of this, the bolos really are quite Sanchez-like in an exploding head wise manner. Even back then I thought: this is not worthy of a good guy (clean bloodless shots are preferred, like between Cowboys and In… oh, sorry, I grew up in that generation).
Basically, many Q-gadgets are rather cruel. The dark fantasies of an ageing white man working in a windowless room?
Um. I do have windows, at least.
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Quite. Q is mad.
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And that’s the real raison d’ être of SIS’ Q-branch: giving such patients a practical outlet in a ̶s̶a̶f̶e̶ protected environment, keeping them from starting a political career and drinking in the daytime. The ‘Q-branch’ program has nipped a great many catastrophes in the bud and made the UK safer for it.
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So, this is what the reboot will do: the enemy from within, Q, has secretly (or not) built up a super weapon, and Bond has to stop him, avoiding umbrellas, floating trays and pointy seats, while stealing (comic relief) what looks like lunch.
Everything will be available on amazon, of course.
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Too much like an idea they will run with, I fear - Bond vs the gadgets.
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The Bond Lifestyle has moved to: amazon.co.uk…
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Bolas aimed at the neck would be fatal anyway, so having them explode is overkill. A waste of Q’s time. The fake siesta guy would require too much set-up and relies on the victim standing in just the right place, whereas a sniper in a window could aim anywhere he needed.
So the choice is between the pointless and the comparatively useless. I’ll go with the machine gun thingie just because it’s more racist, which seems to be the real intent of the scene. We should probably be grateful the face-melting laser wasn’t fired from a burrito.
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I’m told they’re getting that ready for Ahmed’s Cinco de Mayo party…….
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The budget went on the space marines…
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June 23.
Not so much today about the racism, although the racism is more defining a characteristic of Q than either charm or wit, but more about the general Q-selessness.
Which of these possesses more Q-selessness? Accordingly, demonstrates less Q-selessnessless or Q-selessnesslessness and is ultimately more Q-selesssnesslesssnessless?
- A View to a Kill - Bond is missing, possibly dead; however for the search and rescue mission, it’s not a field agent sent but Q and his robot perving dog, which has the appearance and charm of a dead brick.
- For Your Eyes Only - Q, true to his corroded racist heart, dresses as a Greek Orthodox priest in order to provide no help at all and Bond could (and does) easily get the required information elsewhere. Just be thankful it’s not set in Saudi Arabia.
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Again, Q-selessness abounds, there are no wrong choices here.
But the „robot“ sent to Stacey‘s shower is only a tired replay of the end scenes of TSWLM and MR (Q: „I need to see Bond having sex, on a boat, on a space ship, under the shower!“ - gee, another layer peeled back, exposing voyeurish homoeroticism?).
Also, who opened the door for it? And why doesn’t Bond shut the door to the bathroom when he is taking a shower? It could have immediately ended any…um… spying. Shouldn’t he be good at that sort of thing?
Or… yes… Bond wanted Q to take a look! Bond is an exhibitionist! And certainly at his age he wanted to show that he still knows how to (fnarr) pick up the soap.
Maybe, though, this is all misunderstood. Stacey is just helping an old retiree take a shower, and the robot was her employer‘s idea to make sure that there are no violations of her duty.
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The Orthodox priest drag is definitely the butt of the joke here. There’s any number of fairly innocuous scenarios Bond could meet Q not involving some elaborate ‘cover’ - or just leave this non-briefing out of it. Though one suspects the costume is worn to listen to people’s confessions rather than any need to keep in contact with Bond…
If anything the little remote-controlled surveillance device four years later indicates Q spends vast quantities of his office time with sending his technology into the private bathrooms of young women. Not exactly an uncommon pastime today, as court records would indicate.
However, that device could at least theoretically serve a security and intelligence purpose instead of a lecher’s private kink. So the uselessness crown goes to the Kamilavkion and the false beard.
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