Rank the James Bond watercraft

[Double-OhAgent]

This week’s James Bond rankings deal with his watercraft. What qualifies as watercraft is anything that travels on, in, or under water such as boats, wet bikes, submarines, rafts, surfboards, and water spheres. Hovercrafts DO qualify as they seem to be regulated as boats.

Again, Bond has to operate the watercraft and Never Say Never Again is eligible. Only one option per film please.

So, what are your rankings of the James Bond watercraft?

Here’s mine.

1. Riddle Marine Custom Boat – THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH – Better known as the Q Boat, this watercraft is the best of Bond’s watercraft. Gadgets/abilities include torpedoes, sharp turn-ability, super quick braking, ability to travel over dry land, and ability to do a shallow dive. It’s the centerpiece of arguably the best action scene of TWINE and the best boat chase of the series.

2. Glastron CV23HT – MOONRAKER – Also known as the Q craft, Bond uses this vehicle to travel through the Brazilian jungle waterways. Fitted out with water mines, torpedoes, and a hidden motorized hang glider, this boat has it all. The Q Craft won out for this film over the Bondola because it has more gadgets, it’s in a little bigger action scene, and it looks better. It also features during the last usage of the wonderful 007 theme.

3. Glastron GT-150 – LIVE AND LET DIE – This watercraft set the Guinness Book of World Records for longest boat jump to start off an exciting boat chase. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long as Bond has to switch boats due to running out of gas. The second boat–a Glastron CV-19–is used for more of the chase, but the GT-150’s record jump gives it the edge.

4. Cigarette Racing Café Racer – LICENCE TO KILL – This boat may not have gotten much screen time, but it just looks so good (and has the ability to be super fast) that it gets this high a ranking.

5. Spirit Marine Wetbike – THE SPY WHO LOVED ME – The first appearance of a wetbike, a sort-of water motorcycle, occurred in TSWLM. It looks like a fun little vehicle and, as a result, gets a top five ranking.

6. Riddle Marine Jet Boat – QUANTUM OF SOLACE – Not much to look at, but it’s super fast and agile. This boat features in arguably the best chase scene in the film.

7. Neptune – FOR YOUR EYES ONLY – This mini-submarine is a two-person craft and looks like it would be fun for some underwater exploration.

8. Osprey 5 – DIE ANOTHER DAY – The only vehicle on this list that doesn’t actually touch the water. This hovercraft features in an exciting pre-title sequence chase. It might not be the easiest to steer, but it, nevertheless, still looks fun to drive. A tip of the cap to the gadget-bearing surfboard in the PTS, but the nod for DAD goes to the hovercraft.

9. Underwater Propulsion Unit – THUNDERBALL – Perhaps the oddest watercraft on this list, this fast gadget gets the nod over the Underwater Sledge since it is a Q gadget and it gets more screen time with Bond than the sledge does.

10. Fairey Huntress 23 – FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE – The first boat to feature in a chase–albeit a short one–nevertheless makes the top 10 based on its fine looking appearance.

11. Riva Monte Carlo 30 Offshorer – GOLDENEYE – Its screen time was limited to a brief scene, but the boat still looks nice and just manages to fall outside the top 10.

12. Speedboat – SPECTRE – This watercraft, which Bond uses to chase down Ernst Stavro Blofeld in the finale, is so far not identified for make or model. But it is the best of the rest.

13. Spirit 54 – CASINO ROYALE – The first sailing yacht of the series to be piloted by Bond. Nice little vehicle, but I prefer the motorized boats.

14. Spirit 46 – NO TIME TO DIE – See above.

15. Lyman Islander – DR. NO – This little motorboat is seen at the conclusion of the film. Nothing overly remarkable about it, but I think I’d take it over everything else on this list.

16. Crocodile Submarine – OCTOPUSSY – If the Underwater Propulsion Unit wasn’t the oddest thing on this list, then the crocodile submarine beats it. The one-man submarine supplied by Q is a (very) unique watercraft. However, it’s lack of size on the inside is what limits its appeal for me.

17. Inflatable Boat – TOMORROW NEVER DIES – Bond pilots this boat to maneuver him and Wai Lin into position to steal aboard Elliot Carver’s Sea Dolphin II stealth boat. Practical, but not overly visually appealing.

18. Longtail – THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN – Bond uses this long, thin boat to escape from Chula and his pals. It’s serviceable, but not all that exciting. Still, it gets the nod over Scaramanga’s junk because it features in an action scene, and you actually see Bond operate it unlike the junk.

19. Water Sphere – DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER – Bond uses this “water ball” to walk on the ocean to Blofeld’s oil rig. At a cursory glance, one might mistake this for being silly, but upon closer reflection, it does make sense. And since then, more people have used water or land spheres for fun, so I don’t think it’s as silly as I used to anymore.

20. Rowboat – YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE – Not many glamorous watercraft choices from this film. The only other option is an inflatable raft which Bond mostly just lies in. So rowboat it is.

And there you have it. This time around, my list seemed to favor more on the looks side as well as the speed/fun of said watercraft with gadgets also earning extra points.

So, what are your James Bond watercraft rankings?

[MrHinx]

No Bondola?!

[secretagentfan]

Boats. One more subject I know nothing about.

Well, I liked these (and the others were just… well… boats to me):

1. Q‘s not yet ready pre-title sequence boat/car/submarine in TWINE
2. The waterbike in TSWLM
3. The croc-thingee in OP
4. The gondola in MR
5. The waterball in DAF
6. The durable boat in LALD

[Yellow-Pinky]

Unpopular opinion here… I’m not only in the minority on this, I might be in the sole minority: I can’t stand the Q-boat sequence of TWINE and consider it a low point of the entire series (along with much of the movie as a whole).

That whole PTS is too long, laborious, and worst of all, boring, indulgent, and completely unnecessary. It all plays out like a cartoon with no weight or genuine sense of danger. Bond’s escape from the banker’s office should have gone straight into the title sequence.

Now, the early version of a jetski in TSWLM? I love it. Go figure. A classic example of “to each their own.” Or is it “your mileage may vary?”

[Double-OhAgent]

I would have liked to consider it, but with a limit of one boat/watercraft per film, I opted for the Q Craft boat instead. It had more gadgets, was in a little bit bigger action scene, and it looks better.

If I were to open it up to ALL watercraft, the Bondola would probably rank around the crocodile submarine behind the second Live And Let Die boat, the underwater sledge from Thunderball, and Scaramanga’s junk from The Man With The Golden Gun.

[Dustin]

I’m the same, I find TWINE’s pts much too long and its boat chase entirely artificial/its Q-boat a deus ex, yet I’m perfectly happy with TSWLM’s Lotus and wet-bike even though both are just as guilty.

My favourite watercraft are:

TSWLM’s wet-bike (even though it’s certainly no good for any high seas or adverse conditions) for its novelty back then and the motorcycle appeal. Today, there are jet ski/PWC models much more action/speed oriented, but this little toy has a certain understatement.

NTTD’s Spirit 46 yacht because this rigging is probably about as much as a person can comfortably handle single-handedly (unlike the Spirit 54 that had to have its rigging taken down multiple times to access Venice). It’s a dream worth a king’s ransom and yet entirely rooted in reality. If Bond retired he might spend his savings on just such a toy. And who knows, he might even live on it around the year?*

MR’s gondola for its ludicrousness. It’s outrageous for SIS to have their agent tootling around in a mobile tourist trap piloted by another agent, one assumes (instead of a faster and less obvious motor boat, like Drax’ second assassin craft). But to then have the vessel decked out with a hidden speedboat/hovercraft propulsion, rendering all thought of cover and disguise meaningless is just so beautifully bizarre.

*Actually, probably not. Living on a boat is much less glamorous than us landlubbers tend to imagine. Unless it’s on one of these super-yacht/cruise ship monstrosities, spaces are confined, damp and chilly, cuisine tends to baked beans and Nescafé, harbour fees and neighbours take their toll on nerves and there’s always something in need of fixing. Living on a boat is effectively camping on water - and who’d want to do that all year round?

[sharpshooter]

@Dustin

MR’s gondola for its ludicrousness. It’s outrageous for SIS to have their agent tootling around in a mobile tourist trap piloted by another agent, one assumes (instead of a faster and less obvious motor boat, like Drax’ second assassin craft). But to then have the vessel decked out with a hidden speedboat/hovercraft propulsion, rendering all thought of cover and disguise meaningless is just so beautifully bizarre.

It’s wonderful for dialling the outrageousnes up to 11. The gondola tells the audience everything and anything could be a gadget. Bond thinks nothing of it, especially while doing laps around St Mark’s Square, but the spectators are understandably bemused. It’s a funny moment but also shows the separation that exists between the public and the world of espionage. They become very aware of it during that chase.