Deathmatch 2021

Special Interest Games
1

Such good sport.

For us Northern Hemisphere types, the onset of Summer brings, even in these deep bad weird days, the promise of healthy sporting contests between the folks of all nations.

Ah! The heady and comforting thwack of boot upon football, leather upon willow, racquet upon ballboy, yo-yo saw upon professional tennis player, knuckleduster upon torso, golden bullet upon uniformly unarmed people. It’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

For those of you who have tolerated this website for more than a year, you may recall last year’s Villain Deathmatch. My, hasn’t time flown? We must have been enjoying ourselves.

Regardless, clean slate and slight change in the rules for this year’s run. Can OHMSS Blofeld still wipe everyone else out with his (…um) virus?

Group stage introduced - see specific posts on this.

Top two in each group go forward to Second Round, on the basis of:

Winner Group A v Runner-Up Group F = Match 1
Winner Group B v Runner-Up Group E = Match 2
Winner Group C v Runner-Up Group D = Match 3
Winner Group D v Runner-Up Group C = Match 4
Winner Group E v Runner-Up Group B = Match 5
Winner Group F v Runner-Up Group A = Match 6

Quarter-Finals as:

Winner Match 1 v Lucky Loser - QF1
Winner Match 2 v Winner Match 6 - QF2
Winner Match 3 v Winner Match 5 - QF3
Winner Match 4 v Lucky Loser - QF4

Semi-Finals as:

Winner QF1 v Winner QF3 - SF1
Winner QF2 v Winner QF4 - SF2

Third-Place Death-Off:

Loser SF1 v Loser SF2

Final:

Winner SF1 v Winner SF2

Who will win the coveted Rhodium Harpoon of Mischief?

This Opening Ceremony was brought to you in association with our global product partner, Cheap Red Wine.

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Fabulous, let the mayhem begin…:crossed_swords:

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Thank you so much Jim. But making me choose between DAF Blofeld and Hugo Drax was cruel.

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Gustav Graves actually got votes this year. Maybe his Icarus laser is finally guaranteeing that victory. Though, he monologued himself to death before, so more than likely, he’ll do it again.

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Even with 74 million votes and 63 lawsuits he still won’t win. Or something like that.

24 hours to go in the Group stage. Some interesting outcomes in the offing…

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He does have Icarus. So can’t he just use his space laser to switch votes to himself?

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I thought those things started forest fires? Or some such conspiracy.

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It’s perhaps worth pointing out that in Graves‘ three matches he still had to don his power ranger suit properly while

-Doctor No threw a tarantula at him

-Largo threw an ice cube

-and Kristatos let a dove relieve itself down the neck of said suit.

It’s evident Graves is treated unfairly and he‘ll write a stiff letter to the editor of the Pyongyang Times…

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Wow! Fantastic game! I feel sorry for the guys who doesn’t get any vote.

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Group Stage has concluded.

Group A Played Won Drew Loss For Against Goal Diff Average Points
Scaramanga 3 2 1 0 32 22 10 3 7
Dr Kananga 3 2 0 1 29 23 6 2 6
Goldfinger 3 1 1 1 30 23 7 2 4
YOLT Blo 3 0 0 3 15 38 -23 -7 0
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Group B Played Won Drew Loss For Against Goal Diff Average Points
Dr No 3 3 0 0 46 14 32 11 9
Largo 3 2 0 1 47 13 34 11 6
Kristatos 3 1 0 2 16 43 -27 -9 3
G Graves 3 0 0 3 10 49 -39 -13 0
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Group C Played Won Drew Loss For Against Goal Diff Average Points
Silva 3 2 1 0 36 18 18 6 7
Klebb 3 2 1 0 31 24 7 2 7
Le Chiffre 3 1 0 2 30 24 6 2 3
Stromberg 3 0 0 3 12 43 -31 -10 0

Silva wins the group on goal difference.

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Group D Played Won Drew Loss For Against Goal Diff Average Points
Drax 3 3 0 0 47 5 42 14 9
Elektra King 3 2 0 1 30 21 9 3 6
DAF Blo 3 1 0 2 22 30 -8 -3 3
Kos & Whit 3 0 0 3 4 47 -43 -14 0
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Group E Played Won Drew Loss For Against Goal Diff Average Points
OHMSS Blo 3 3 0 0 47 8 39 13 9
Sanchez 3 2 0 1 36 19 17 6 6
Trevelyan 3 1 0 2 23 29 -6 -2 3
Greene 3 0 0 3 1 53 -52 -17 0
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Group F Played Won Drew Loss For Against Goal Diff Average Points
Zorin 3 3 0 0 42 9 33 11 9
Spectre Blo 3 1 0 2 22 27 -5 -2 3
Kamal Khan 3 1 0 2 19 33 -14 -5 3
Carver 3 1 0 2 18 32 -14 -5 3

Spectre Blofeld is runner up due to better / less awful goal difference and number of goals scored.

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…and what do we conclude from this?

Last year, Dominic Greene in one game scored three votes. Here, with three games, he scored one. He’s gone backwards. It’s an achievement, but a really, really abject one. On the receiving end of two walkovers - 18-0 against Drax and the same against Sanchez. Just plain poor. 'Bye.

Last year’s quarter-finalist Stromberg is out - and ignominiously out (a bit like being shot in the willy) - at this first stage. He won’t like that. He’s not a very patient man. Nor, it would appear, very much loved any more. Nul points. Next year, he represents the UK in Eurovision.

In Group D, DAFBlo (how he now wishes to be known) v Elektra King was the crunch match of the also-rans. Still, he managed to pinch a couple of her frocks, so he’s happy simply to have taken part etc.

Last year’s finalist Silva, even though winning the group, might be disappointed at that draw and not having sailed through. Still, he’ll take it on the chin. What’s left of it.

People voted for Gustav Graves! People are idiots.

Le Chiffre 2006 - perennial underachiever. Nothing sinister. Nothing very able, either. Is he in fact English?

Trevelyan, Trevelyan, Trevelyan. Half of everything is luck. The other half, fate. The whole thing is total humiliating failure. Someone preferred Dominic Greene to you. Hahaha. Just sod off, scarface.

As feared, Group F was a bit of a mess, save for Zorin rising above it, blimpingly. Last year, Kamal Khan had General Orlov to help him over the line and into Round 2. Evidently he needs the General to provide purpose. And plot. And any reason to be in Octopussy. Or watch it.

Spectre Blofeld overachieving?

As last year, Goldfinger appears to be a spent force. Punching well below his weight. Sleeping giant. (Heavy lunch). No World Cups and one Grand Slam. And not really that, either.

Can anyone stop Oh-Mo Blo and Drax? The results of their games you could see from space, or at least from the top of a mountain. How apt.

Koskov & Whitaker and YOLT Blo reinforce the impression that they are utterly pointless. Carver & Kristatos… meh. Confirming to preconceived impression but still… meh.

Onto Round 2:

Match 1: Scaramanga v Spectre Blofeld
Match 2: Dr No v Sanchez
Match 3: Silva v Elektra King
Match 4: Drax v Klebb
Match 5: OHMSS Blofeld v Emilio Largo
Match 6: Zorin v Dr Kananga

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Match 5 is interesting - 2 of the heavy hitters face to face so early!

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Now, where did I put those target codes for Oxfordshire…?
:boom:

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Largo has only himself to blame; sloppy defending against Dr No. Failed to keep his eye on the ball. Just the one eye, granted.

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That lack of depth perception will get ya

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