On Monday 1st June, Deathmatch shall return.
So mote it be.
You have absolutely no choice in the matter*. Do some coping.
*except, obviously, for choosing the winner of each of several hundred matches. So, quite a lot of choice, then. Even in Deathmatch, my munificence is boundless.
A bit like the Olympics, I have started a day early and in advance of the Opening Ceremony, which is basically Sheriff Pepper in a skimpy leotard gyrating moistly to that rude “pop song” from For Your Eyes Only. With that image sown into the furrows of what you claim as your brain, let the mayhem commence.
I hasten to add, please do not put that notion into an AI thingy to generate it.
Junes, they slip by like skips in the night, all a-clatter and smelling slightly of fish. Already we find ourselves at the end of the Group Stage of Villains for 2026. Oh, the depravity of it all.
| Group A | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| OHMSS Blofeld | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 56 | 11 | 45 | 83.83 | 12 |
| Zorin | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 48 | 20 | 28 | 70.58 | 9 |
| Dr Kananga | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 36 | 32 | 4 | 53 | 6 |
| Graves | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 15 | 52 | -37 | 22.1 | 3 |
| Spectre Blofeld | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 14 | 54 | -40 | 20.6 | 0 |
Die Another Day in Not Finishing Last Shocker! Doesn’t make it into the Second Round (obviously - do come on, now), but that’s an encouraging or equally depressing start for it. The others probably as expected, although the averages are looking a bit lower than before - which will affect the Bonus Points farrago.
| Group B | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Drax | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 55 | 13 | 42 | 80.88 | 12 |
| Sanchez | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 48 | 19 | 29 | 71.7 | 9 |
| Trevelyan | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 34 | 33 | 1 | 50.35 | 6 |
| Khan | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 26 | 41 | -15 | 39.45 | 3 |
| Greene | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 62 | -57 | 7.63 | 0 |
I’m not sure crowbarring Khan “off of” Orlov was to his best advantage; a weaker performance than last year, even when in The Group With That Dominic Greene in it. 5 votes for Dominic Greene and even that seems like benevolence. Trevelyan gets through to the Second Round, which isn’t commonly done; the top two were already written in the stars. With a machete.
| Group C | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Silva | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 41 | 19 | 22 | 68.33 | 12 |
| Le Chiffre | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 36 | 23 | 13 | 61.43 | 9 |
| Dr No | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 37 | 23 | 14 | 61.68 | 6 |
| DAF Blofeld | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 27 | 33 | -6 | 45 | 3 |
| Koskov | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 51 | -43 | 13.58 | 0 |
Hmm. Again, separating out Koskov from the largely redundant Whitaker didn’t play to his advantage, although it’s not as if they would have progressed even if still cojoined. DAF Blofeld does his usual sneaky thing of not really doing at all impressively but with sufficient percentage form to squeak himself tightly through to the Second Round. At the Group Stage, number of wins goes to position but note that Le Chiffre will be weeping blood at the form in comparison to Dr No and his Metal Mitts.
| Group D | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Klebb | 4 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 40 | 16 | 24 | 71.43 | 10 |
| Largo | 4 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 40 | 16 | 24 | 71.43 | 10 |
| Carver | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 24 | 32 | -8 | 42.9 | 6 |
| YOLT Blofeld | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 27 | 29 | -2 | 48.23 | 3 |
| Kristatos | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 47 | -38 | 16.08 | 0 |
Klebb pulled off Grant (as t’were) isn’t as impactful as the other separations, but that isn’t as big a win as the Klebb/Grant mashup has had in the past, so the ultimate fate may not be too far off. YOLT Blofeld tops Carver on form, although it’s not all bad news for our mutlimediaspace (video cassettes) chum, as the Bonus Points will show…
| Group E | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Goldfinger | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 45 | 11 | 34 | 80.38 | 12 |
| Stromberg | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 37 | 19 | 18 | 66.05 | 9 |
| Scaramanga | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 33 | 23 | 10 | 58.95 | 6 |
| Elektra | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 15 | 41 | -26 | 26.78 | 3 |
| Safin | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 10 | 46 | -36 | 17.85 | 0 |
Hmm. Probably the most predictable group, but some tough Second Round draws ahead might mean victory is but ashes. Safin continues a streak of failure, whoever he’s pitted against. Except James Bond, weirdly.
Form Table after Group Stage - Villains
| Villain | Form | Seed | Group Outcome | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | OHMSS Blofeld | 83.83 | 1 | Winner A |
| 2 | Drax | 80.88 | 2 | Winner B |
| 3 | Goldfinger | 80.38 | 5 | Winner E |
| 4 | Sanchez | 71.7 | 9 | Runner-Up B |
| 5 | Klebb | 71.43 | 4 | Winner D |
| 6 | Largo | 71.43 | 7 | Runner-Up D |
| 7 | Zorin | 70.58 | 10 | Runner-Up A |
| 8 | Silva | 68.33 | 3 | Winner C |
| 9 | Stromberg | 66.05 | Runner-Up E | |
| 10 | Dr No | 61.68 | Lucky Loser 1 | |
| 11 | Le Chiffre | 61.43 | 8 | Runner-Up C |
| 12 | Scaramanga | 58.95 | 6 | Lucky Loser 2 |
| 13 | Kananga | 53 | Lucky Loser 3 | |
| 14 | Trevelyan | 50.35 | Lucky Loser 4 | |
| 15 | YOLT Blofeld | 48.23 | Lucky Loser 5 | |
| 16 | DAF Blofeld | 45 | Lucky Loser 6 | |
| 17 | Carver | 42.9 | ||
| 18 | Khan | 39.45 | ||
| 19 | Elektra | 26.78 | ||
| 20 | Graves | 22.1 | ||
| 21 | Spectre Blofeld | 20.6 | ||
| 22 | Safin | 17.85 | ||
| 23 | Kristatos | 16.08 | ||
| 24 | Koskov | 13.58 | ||
| 25 | Greene | 7.63 |
Sometimes this has been a done deal even at this early stage. Perhaps, this year, not so. This could get bloody. I do hope so. Die Another Day not in the bottom 5 - it’s a revelation, possibly a revolution. Are we on the brink of a Die Another Naissance?
Right then…
Bonus Points to date
| Film | Bonus Points | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 6 |
| 2 | A View to a Kill | 4 |
| 3 | Licence to Kill | 3 |
| 4 | GoldenEye | 3 |
| 5 | Diamonds are Forever | 2 |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 2 |
| 7 | The Spy who Loved Me | 2 |
| 8 | Moonraker | 2 |
| 9 | TWINE | 2 |
| 10 | Die Another Day | 2 |
| 11 | Goldfinger | 1 |
| 12 | Thunderball | 1 |
| 13 | Casino Royale | 1 |
| 14 | No Time to Die | 1 |
| 15 | Spectre | 0 |
| 16 | Dr No | -1 |
| 17 | OHMSS | -1 |
| 18 | Quantum of Solace | -1 |
| 19 | Skyfall | -1 |
| 20 | Octopussy | -2 |
| 21 | The Living Daylights | -3 |
| 22 | From Russia with Love | -4 |
| 23 | TMwtGG | -4 |
| 24 | For Your Eyes Only | -4 |
| 25 | You Only Live Twice | -5 |
There is a method here but it’s too porous to stand much scrutiny. In essence:
+1 or -1 for a better Group placing than last year, nothing for same
+1 or -1 for a better Group form percentage than last year
Number of Group points increase or decrease over last year (Tomorrow Never Dies benefited from this, in particular) - per point
Walkovers for +1 each time, Walkovers against -1 each time
Calculate all that up and then add to BP score at Group Stage last year and there y’go.
It might work. It might not matter.
Form Table after the Second Round for Villains:
| Villain | Form | (% shift) | Place shift | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | OHMSS Blofeld | 82.84 | (-0.99) | - |
| 2 | Drax | 80.48 | (-0.4) | - |
| 3 | Goldfinger | 77.98 | (-2.4) | - |
| 4 | Zorin | 73.3 | (+1.87) | +3 |
| 5 | Silva | 71.5 | (+3.17) | +3 |
| 6 | Klebb | 69.78 | (-1.65) | -1 |
| 7 | Sanchez | 68.94 | (-2.76) | -3 |
| 8 | Largo | 65.56 | (-5.87) | -2 |
| 9 | Stromberg | 63.36 | (-2.69) | - |
| 10 | Le Chiffre | 58.62 | (-2.81) | +1 |
| 11 | Dr No | 53.36 | (-8.12) | -1 |
| 12 | Scaramanga | 51.38 | (-7.57) | - |
| 13 | Trevelyan | 47.64 | (-2.71) | +1 |
| 14 | Kananga | 45.56 | (-7.44) | -1 |
| 15 | YOLT Blofeld | 44.9 | (-3.33) | - |
| 16 | Carver | 42.9 | +1 | |
| 17 | Khan | 39.43 | +1 | |
| 18 | DAF Blofeld | 39.16 | (-5.84) | -2 |
| 19 | Elektra | 26.78 | ||
| 20 | Graves | 22.1 | ||
| 21 | Spectre Blofeld | 20.6 | ||
| 22 | Safin | 17.85 | ||
| 23 | Kristatos | 16.08 | ||
| 24 | Koskov | 13.58 | ||
| 25 | Greene | 7.63 |
As ever with the Second Round in all categories, there can be a gratifying amount of butchery going on. Still seems like there’s position to play for; the top 4 is not set and places 5-9 seem fluid. Sort of reddish fluid with a metallic tang.
Other results will affect the Seedings for - gulp - 2027.
Form Table after Quarter-Finals for Villains
| Villain | Form | (% shift) | Place shift | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Drax | 78.47 | (-2.01) | +1 |
| 2 | OHMSS Blofeld | 76.05 | (-6.79) | -1 |
| 3 | Goldfinger | 74.63 | (-3.35) | - |
| 4 | Silva | 69.23 | (-2.27) | +1 |
| 5 | Klebb | 67.8 | (-1.98) | +1 |
| 6 | Zorin | 66.35 | (-6.95) | -2 |
| 7 | Largo | 65.56 | (-) | +1 |
| 8 | Sanchez | 64.47 | (-4.47) | -1 |
| 9 | Stromberg | 59.82 | (-3.54) | - |
| 10 | Le Chiffre | 58.62 | ||
| 11 | Dr No | 53.36 | ||
| 12 | Scaramanga | 51.38 | ||
| 13 | Trevelyan | 47.64 | ||
| 14 | Kananga | 45.56 | ||
| 15 | YOLT Blofeld | 44.9 | ||
| 16 | Carver | 42.9 | ||
| 17 | Khan | 39.43 | ||
| 18 | DAF Blofeld | 39.16 | ||
| 19 | Elektra | 26.78 | ||
| 20 | Graves | 22.1 | ||
| 21 | Spectre Blofeld | 20.6 | ||
| 22 | Safin | 17.85 | ||
| 23 | Kristatos | 16.08 | ||
| 24 | Koskov | 13.58 | ||
| 25 | Greene | 7.63 |
That all went a bit frilly, did it not? Given who’s left in the knockout and gnawing chunks out of each other, this is far from settled yet.
MY GOD IT IS SO TENSE THAT I SHALL COMMENCE A BAFFLING WAR TO DISTRACT ATTENTION FROM MY CURATION OF LIPIDS OF SIGNIFICANCE.
And after the Semi-Finals for Villains…
| Villain | Form | (% shift) | Place shift | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Drax | 77.97 | (-0.5) | - |
| 2 | OHMSS Blofeld | 76.05 | ||
| 3 | Goldfinger | 70.22 | (-4.41) | - |
| 4 | Silva | 67.38 | (-1.85) | - |
| 5 | Zorin | 66.35 | (-) | +1 |
| 6 | Largo | 65.56 | (-) | +1 |
| 7 | Sanchez | 64.47 | (-) | +1 |
| 8 | Klebb | 61.69 | (-6.11) | -3 |
| 9 | Stromberg | 59.82 | ||
| 10 | Le Chiffre | 58.62 | ||
| 11 | Dr No | 53.36 | ||
| 12 | Scaramanga | 51.38 | ||
| 13 | Trevelyan | 47.64 | ||
| 14 | Kananga | 45.56 | ||
| 15 | YOLT Blofeld | 44.9 | ||
| 16 | Carver | 42.9 | ||
| 17 | Khan | 39.43 | ||
| 18 | DAF Blofeld | 39.16 | ||
| 19 | Elektra | 26.78 | ||
| 20 | Graves | 22.1 | ||
| 21 | Spectre Blofeld | 20.6 | ||
| 22 | Safin | 17.85 | ||
| 23 | Kristatos | 16.08 | ||
| 24 | Koskov | 13.58 | ||
| 25 | Greene | 7.63 |
Klebb slides down the wall, as is her fancy, but has still finished in the Top Ten, which tends to suggest she is a plausible player without being nailed onto Grant. There’s still a possibility Drax can be ejected from top spot depending on the outcome of the knockout final, and equally dependent is Silva’s fate, always open to descent.
MY GOD IT IS SO TENSE THAT I SHALL CLAIM GREENLAND FOR NO APPARENT REASON OTHER THAN A WHIMSICAL DESIRE TO ANNOY. I SHALL RENAME IT “JIMINGA” AND BAN LUGE.
Right, so with Villains all shredded-up real bad for another year, all the endpoint outcomes spew out as:
Knockout Deathmatch
Winner: Drax
Runner-Up: Silva
3rd Place: Goldfinger
4th Place: Klebb
Villain Deathmatches to date
| 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026 | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Winner | OHMSS Blofeld | Silva | Drax | Silva | Goldfinger | Goldfinger | Drax |
| Runner-Up | Silva | Sanchez | Goldfinger | Drax | OHMSS Blofeld | Silva | Silva |
| Third | Drax | Scaramanga | Klebb & Grant | Goldfinger | Silva | Drax | Goldfinger |
| Fourth | Klebb & Grant | Drax | Largo | Klebb & Grant | Le Chiffre | Klebb & Grant | Klebb |
Three observations here: 1 - is this really the seventh year of this tosh? 2 - 2021 looks like it was absolutely bloody. 3 - crowbarring Klebb off Grant, or Grant off Klebb (a grim image (a grimage) either way) does not appear to have materially affected her capacities for violence, so she can stay on her own from now on.
Final Form Table 2026 - Villains
| Villain | Form | (% shift) | Place shift | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Drax | 76.12 | (-1.85) | - |
| 2 | OHMSS Blofeld | 76.05 | ||
| 3 | Goldfinger | 72.63 | (+2.41) | - |
| 4 | Zorin | 66.35 | (-) | +1 |
| 5 | Largo | 65.56 | (-) | +1 |
| 6 | Sanchez | 64.47 | (-) | +1 |
| 7 | Silva | 63.56 | (-3.82) | -3 |
| 8 | Stromberg | 59.82 | (-) | +1 |
| 9 | Le Chiffre | 58.62 | (-) | +1 |
| 10 | Klebb | 55.29 | (-6.4) | -2 |
| 11 | Dr No | 53.36 | ||
| 12 | Scaramanga | 51.38 | ||
| 13 | Trevelyan | 47.64 | ||
| 14 | Kananga | 45.56 | ||
| 15 | YOLT Blofeld | 44.9 | ||
| 16 | Carver | 42.9 | ||
| 17 | Khan | 39.43 | ||
| 18 | DAF Blofeld | 39.16 | ||
| 19 | Elektra | 26.78 | ||
| 20 | Graves | 22.1 | ||
| 21 | Spectre Blofeld | 20.6 | ||
| 22 | Safin | 17.85 | ||
| 23 | Kristatos | 16.08 | ||
| 24 | Koskov | 13.58 | ||
| 25 | Greene | 7.63 |
A Grand Slam in both Form and Knockout for Moonraker bodes well for those of us who like Moonraker (i.e. proper people). Klebb took a further tumble but clings onto a Top Ten spot nonetheless. That Goldfinger improved in the latter stages is probably a bit ominous.
Form Table over the years, seeds and pots for (good grief) 2027
| 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026 | Average form | Seed/Pot 2027 | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dr No | 17 | 7 | 13 | 11 | 12 | 7 | 11 | 11.14 | Pot 1 |
| Klebb & Grant | 1 | 12 | 2 | 5 | 2 | 5 | 10 | 5.29 | S4 |
| Goldfinger | 16 | 9 | 3 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 5.57 | S5 |
| Largo | 7 | 4 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 5 | 7.14 | S6 |
| YOLT Blo. | 20 | 19 | 9 | 17 | 13 | 11 | 15 | 14.86 | Pot 1 |
| OHMSS Blo. | 2 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 2.57 | S1 |
| DAF Blo. | 18 | 15 | 17 | 14 | 16 | 16 | 18 | 16.29 | Pot 2 |
| Kananga | 14 | 11 | 14 | 15 | 15 | 14 | 14 | 13.86 | Pot 1 |
| Scaramanga | 5 | 6 | 4 | 8 | 9 | 12 | 12 | 8 | S7 |
| Stromberg | 3 | 21 | 11 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9.43 | Pot 1 |
| Drax | 9 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 3.43 | S2 |
| Kristatos | 21 | 20 | 15 | 24 | 20 | 18 | 23 | 20.14 | Pot 3 |
| Khan & Orlov | 15 | 17 | 19 | 23 | 19 | 17 | 17 | 18.14 | Pot 2 |
| Zorin | 13 | 2 | 10 | 12 | 11 | 6 | 4 | 8.29 | S8 |
| Koskov & Whitaker | 23 | 23 | 22 | 25 | 25 | 20 | 24 | 23.14 | Pot 3 |
| Sanchez | 8 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 8 | 6 | 8.29 | S9 |
| Trevelyan | 12 | 14 | 16 | 16 | 14 | 15 | 13 | 14.29 | Pot 1 |
| Carver | 11 | 18 | 18 | 18 | 17 | 19 | 16 | 16.71 | Pot 2 |
| Elektra | 19 | 13 | 20 | 19 | 18 | 22 | 19 | 18.57 | Pot 2 |
| Graves | 24 | 22 | 21 | 20 | 24 | 25 | 20 | 22.29 | Pot 3 |
| Le Chiffre | 4 | 10 | 12 | 4 | 6 | 13 | 9 | 8.29 | S10 |
| Greene | 22 | 24 | 25 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 23.57 | Pot 3 |
| Silva | 6 | 5 | 6 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 7 | 4.71 | S3 |
| Ober. Blo | 10 | 16 | 24 | 13 | 21 | 21 | 21 | 18 | Pot 2 |
| Safin | - | - | 23 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 22 | 22.2 | Pot 3 |
Remarkable consistency for Dr Kananga, given that his fate, perhaps only matched by Carver, is to be so very, very inconsistent on a bodily basis. Little Janey Seymour is still picking bits of his small intestine out of her navel
Klebb/Grant - am I rethinking? 2021’s 12th place was the only other time Klebb was on her own. Still, it makes it interesting if she stays that way. Decision made.
Khan/Orlov - Khan alone doesn’t seem to have damaged this, so Khan alone it will be from now on.
Koskov/Whitaker - unlikely to ever do that well really, but again although a downward score this year for Koskov alone, it was still better than some years when they were together. Accordingly, Koskov alone, for the future. If Whitaker were deleted entirely from the film, does all that much really change?
I have spake and will brook no contradiction.
Safin seems to achieve an unwelcome consistency too; the other thing his scores show is to hit home hard how long it’s been since the last film…
Most Valuable Player (has to be placed in Knockout to count)
| Placings | Wins | Top Tens | Top Form | Points | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Moonraker | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 4 |
| From Russia with Love | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Goldfinger | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Skyfall | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
Still a bit early to say anything, but a strong start for Moonraker nonetheless. So I did say something. Do coping, you.
Top Ten of Everything 2026
| 1 visit to Top Ten | Yet to bother the scorers |
|---|---|
| From Russia with Love | Dr No |
| Goldfinger | You Only Live Twice |
| Thunderball | Diamonds are Forever |
| OHMSS | Live and Let Die |
| TSWLM | TMwtGG |
| Moonraker | For Your Eyes Only |
| AVTAK | Octopussy |
| Licence to Kill | The Living Daylights |
| Casino Royale | GoldenEye |
| Skyfall | Tomorrow Never Dies |
| TWINE | |
| Die Another Day | |
| Quantum of Solace | |
| Spectre | |
| No Time to Die |
This will obviously thin out as the cycle of death wheels its way further towards the pothole of doom, although already a number of familiar names in the 0 bin.
The Top Ten here only goes to gnaw away at modern villainy, with a couple of distinct exceptions. Oi, Bezos, yes you, baldy greedturd - sort it.
Bonus Points to date
Getting increasingly complicated and contrived but by this stage on the running total, it’s:
Better form position outcome than last year (1 point per place up or down); then
Add/subtract the Bonus Points achieved at the same stage last year.
| Film | Bonus Points | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | A View to a Kill | 14 |
| 2 | Moonraker | 9 |
| 3 | Licence to Kill | 9 |
| 4 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 8 |
| 5 | Live and Let Die | 4 |
| 6 | Die Another Day | 4 |
| 7 | Dr No | 3 |
| 8 | Thunderball | 3 |
| 9 | Octopussy | 3 |
| 10 | The Spy who Loved Me | 2 |
| 11 | Goldfinger | 1 |
| 12 | The Living Daylights | 1 |
| 13 | GoldenEye | 1 |
| 14 | No Time to Die | 1 |
| 15 | OHMSS | 0 |
| 16 | Diamonds are Forever | -1 |
| 17 | Spectre | -1 |
| 18 | TWINE | -2 |
| 19 | Quantum of Solace | -2 |
| 20 | Skyfall | -5 |
| 21 | For Your Eyes Only | -6 |
| 22 | Casino Royale | -6 |
| 23 | You Only Live Twice | -7 |
| 24 | The Man with the Golden Gun | -10 |
| 25 | From Russia with Love | -13 |
Goldfinger is already doing better than last year. Run.
Smashing together the Songs and Score categories may have been a bit disruptive but it added an element of the new for this year. New-ish, anyway, given how things turned out in the Group Stage:
| Group A | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| OHMSS | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 65 | 3 | 62 | 95.6 | 12 |
| FRWL | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 38 | 30 | 8 | 55.9 | 9 |
| Skyfall | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 34 | 34 | 0 | 50.78 | 6 |
| Octopussy | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 22 | 46 | -24 | 31.6 | 3 |
| LTK | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 11 | 57 | -46 | 16.15 | 0 |
As I say, ish. Even with that awful Christmas Tree song in it, OHMSS dominates to such an extent that basically this is a subject area where it’s all about second place.
Being old and stupid and fat and useless (Trustpilot reviews of this “Jim” by multiple members of his family), I initially forgot to include a vote for Octopussy v Licence to Kill but grossed up such votes as there were; I doubt it would make any difference, really, but it gnawed like a distempered dog that I demonstrated such frailty.
Licence to Kill never did very well on any aspect of its music. Or any aspect of its anything. Skyfall was a seed overall, so that’s a pretty poor result albeit enough to get into the Second Round.
| Group B | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Thunderball | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 49 | 15 | 34 | 76.56 | 12 |
| Goldfinger | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 47 | 17 | 30 | 73.44 | 9 |
| TWINE | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 31 | 33 | -2 | 48.44 | 6 |
| NTTD | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 24 | 40 | -16 | 37.5 | 3 |
| DAD | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 55 | -46 | 14.06 | 0 |
Bit of a surprise here, Thunderball administering a small reversal of fortune to second seed Goldfinger. Not so much of a surprise about last place although even with that “song” and Young Mr Arnold throwing all his pots and pans against the wall for the rest of it, it’s still not going to be dead last on form. TWINE does enough to scrape into the Second Round although one suspects it may struggle there. As is its wont.
| Group C | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Moonraker | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 55 | 13 | 42 | 80.9 | 12 |
| LALD | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 46 | 21 | 25 | 68.93 | 9 |
| FYEO | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 34 | 34 | 0 | 50 | 6 |
| QoSolace | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 23 | 44 | -21 | 34 | 3 |
| Spectre | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 11 | 57 | -46 | 16.2 | 0 |
Live and Let Die has traditionally dominated the Songs category when it was Songs alone; merged with Score, it still does OK but that’s of particularly funky note (is this how you rockabilly pop persons articulate yourselves?). The reheated noodlings of Spectre can’t even overcome Quantum of Solace although as Quantum of Solace has great flippin’ wodges of Tosca in it, nor should it expect to. For Your Eyes Only severely average there; such is For Your Eyes Only.
| Group D | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| DAF | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 43 | 24 | 19 | 64.59 | 12 |
| TLD | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 44 | 21 | 23 | 68.03 | 9 |
| TSWLM | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 39 | 26 | 13 | 60.3 | 6 |
| TND | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 34 | 31 | 3 | 52.4 | 3 |
| Dr No | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 61 | -58 | 4.69 | 0 |
Tough gig (is that also music-speak?) for Dr No; achieved some suspect pity points, though. Not an easy group, this, no less demonstrated by The Living Daylights actually having better form than Diamonds are Forever. Across the four actual contenders, all of whom make it to the Second Round, there’s - let’s put it this way - range.
| Group E | Played | W | D | L | F | A | GD | % | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| YOLT | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 54 | 9 | 45 | 85.83 | 12 |
| CRoyale | 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 38 | 26 | 12 | 59.35 | 7 |
| AVTAK | 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 33 | 31 | 2 | 51.56 | 7 |
| GGun | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 25 | 47 | -22 | 39.06 | 3 |
| GoldenEye | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 54 | -45 | 14.18 | 0 |
Again a bit of an upset with You Only Live Twice displacing the higher seed. Also upsetting - GoldenEye. On various levels, some not entirely audible.
Form Table after Group Stage - All the Music
| Form | Seed | Group Outcome | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | OHMSS | 95.6 | 1 | Winner A |
| 2 | You Only Live Twice | 85.83 | 6 | Winner E |
| 3 | Moonraker | 80.9 | 8 | Winner C |
| 4 | Thunderball | 76.56 | 9 | Winner B |
| 5 | Goldfinger | 73.44 | 2 | Runner-Up B |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 68.93 | 3 | Runner-Up C |
| 7 | The Living Daylights | 68.03 | Runner-Up D | |
| 8 | Diamonds are Forever | 64.59 | 4 | Winner D |
| 9 | The Spy who Loved Me | 60.3 | 7 | Lucky Loser 1 |
| 10 | Casino Royale | 59.35 | 5 | Runner-Up E |
| 11 | From Russia with Love | 55.9 | Runner-Up A | |
| 12 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 52.4 | Lucky Loser 2 | |
| 13 | A View to a Kill | 51.56 | Lucky Loser 3 | |
| 14 | Skyfall | 50.78 | 10 | Lucky Loser 4 |
| 15 | For Your Eyes Only | 50 | Lucky Loser 5 | |
| 16 | TWINE | 48.44 | Lucky Loser 6 | |
| 17 | TMwtGGun | 39.06 | ||
| 18 | No Time to Die | 37.5 | ||
| 19 | Quantum of Solace | 34 | ||
| 20 | Octopussy | 31.6 | ||
| 21 | Spectre | 16.2 | ||
| 22 | Licence to Kill | 16.15 | ||
| 23 | GoldenEye | 14.18 | ||
| 24 | Die Another Day | 14.06 | ||
| 25 | Dr No | 4.69 |
Hmm - there’s a very clear bottom five, at least. Rest of it is a bit of a mess, especially how the Seeds performed, but it was arguably a new category so yet to settle. Makes for some interesting Second Round scuffling.
Bonus Points will follow once I have worked out how to do it. So, November, probably.
Edit: worked it out - Bonus Points tally to date
| Film | Bonus Points | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | A View to a Kill | 18 |
| 2 | Moonraker | 17 |
| 3 | Licence to Kill | 9 |
| 4 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 9 |
| 5 | Live and Let Die | 7 |
| 6 | Thunderball | 6 |
| 7 | The Living Daylights | 6 |
| 8 | TWINE | 6 |
| 9 | Die Another Day | 5 |
| 10 | OHMSS | 3 |
| 11 | Octopussy | 3 |
| 12 | Quantum of Solace | 3 |
| 13 | Diamonds are Forever | 2 |
| 14 | Dr No | 1 |
| 15 | No Time to Die | 0 |
| 16 | You Only Live Twice | -2 |
| 17 | The Spy who Loved Me | -2 |
| 18 | Spectre | -2 |
| 19 | From Russia with Love | -4 |
| 20 | Goldfinger | -4 |
| 21 | GoldenEye | -4 |
| 22 | Skyfall | -6 |
| 23 | For Your Eyes Only | -7 |
| 24 | Casino Royale | -7 |
| 25 | TMwtGGun | -8 |
Basically a measure of performance this year against last (required some sums due to merging of the categories here). So, for example, The Man with the Golden Gun is doing notably worse than last year, apparently possible despite doing pretty poorly then, and Moonraker and A View to a Kill markedly better. Last year’s overall bottomfeeder for Bonus Points was Licence to Kill, and the winner was Skyfall. It may be that it all yo-yos. It may be that it doesn’t matter.
With the Second Round done for All the Music - all of it, every femtoquaver - the form table behaves its miserable self as:
| Form | (% shift) | Place shift | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | OHMSS | 94.26 | (-1.34) | - |
| 2 | You Only Live Twice | 81.6 | (-4.23) | - |
| 3 | Moonraker | 81.2 | (+0.3) | - |
| 4 | Thunderball | 76.55 | (-0.01) | - |
| 5 | Goldfinger | 74.05 | (+0.61) | - |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 66.9 | (-2.03) | - |
| 7 | Diamonds are Forever | 64.61 | (-0.02) | +1 |
| 8 | The Living Daylights | 59.12 | (-8.91) | -1 |
| 9 | From Russia with Love | 56.48 | (+0.58) | +2 |
| 10 | Casino Royale | 55.72 | (-3.63) | - |
| 11 | The Spy who Loved Me | 50.46 | (-9.84) | -2 |
| 12 | Skyfall | 47.69 | (-3.09) | +2 |
| 13 | For Your Eyes Only | 47.06 | (-2.94) | +2 |
| 14 | TWINE | 47 | (-1.44) | +2 |
| 15 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 46.62 | (-5.78) | -3 |
| 16 | A View to a Kill | 44.77 | (-6.79) | -3 |
| 17 | TMwtGGun | 39.06 | ||
| 18 | No Time to Die | 37.5 | ||
| 19 | Quantum of Solace | 34 | ||
| 20 | Octopussy | 31.6 | ||
| 21 | Spectre | 16.2 | ||
| 22 | Licence to Kill | 16.15 | ||
| 23 | GoldenEye | 14.18 | ||
| 24 | Die Another Day | 14.06 | ||
| 25 | Dr No | 4.69 |
As can occur in the Second Round, there can be some right old clobberings and on this occasion, The Spy who Loved Me sinks very badly. It could still make the Top Ten depending on the performance of From Russia with Love in the Quarter-Finals. This IS exciting and you smell of pooh if you think otherwise.
Possibly the top place is done, but the remaining places are still to be gnawed at.
MY GOD IT IS SO TENSE THAT I HAVE RENAMED THE CARROT.
Form after the Quarter-Finals for All the Music
| Form | (% shift) | Place shift | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | OHMSS | 94.23 | (-0.03) | - |
| 2 | Moonraker | 77.47 | (-3.73) | +1 |
| 3 | Thunderball | 75.56 | (-0.99) | +1 |
| 4 | You Only Live Twice | 68.98 | (-12.62) | -2 |
| 5 | Goldfinger | 68.58 | (-5.47) | - |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 64.57 | (-2.33) | - |
| 7 | Diamonds are Forever | 61.7 | (-2.91) | - |
| 8 | The Living Daylights | 59.12 | ||
| 9 | Casino Royale | 55.72 | (-) | +1 |
| 10 | From Russia with Love | 51.97 | (-4.51) | -1 |
| 11 | The Spy who Loved Me | 50.46 | ||
| 12 | Skyfall | 47.69 | ||
| 13 | For Your Eyes Only | 47.06 | ||
| 14 | TWINE | 47 | ||
| 15 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 46.62 | ||
| 16 | A View to a Kill | 44.77 | ||
| 17 | TMwtGGun | 39.06 | ||
| 18 | No Time to Die | 37.5 | ||
| 19 | Quantum of Solace | 34 | ||
| 20 | Octopussy | 31.6 | ||
| 21 | Spectre | 16.2 | ||
| 22 | Licence to Kill | 16.15 | ||
| 23 | GoldenEye | 14.18 | ||
| 24 | Die Another Day | 14.06 | ||
| 25 | Dr No | 4.69 |
OHMSS seeing off its closest competition, You Only Live Twice, with an absolute mashing means that’s now unassailable as number 1 for form on voting trends and turnout but that still doesn’t mean it has to win the knockout. The Spy who Loved Me fails to make the Top Ten which could impact overall outcome at the end of the year. If we see the end of the year.
Form after Semi-Finals for All the Mooooooooosick
| Form | (% shift) | Place shift | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | OHMSS | 92.57 | (-1.66) | - |
| 2 | Thunderball | 71.49 | (-4.07) | +1 |
| 3 | You Only Live Twice | 68.98 | (-) | +1 |
| 4 | Moonraker | 68.89 | (-8.58) | -2 |
| 5 | Goldfinger | 68.58 | - | |
| 6 | Live and Let Die | 62.9 | (-1.67) | - |
| 7 | Diamonds are Forever | 61.7 | ||
| 8 | The Living Daylights | 59.12 | ||
| 9 | Casino Royale | 55.72 | ||
| 10 | From Russia with Love | 51.97 | ||
| 11 | The Spy who Loved Me | 50.46 | ||
| 12 | Skyfall | 47.69 | ||
| 13 | For Your Eyes Only | 47.06 | ||
| 14 | TWINE | 47 | ||
| 15 | Tomorrow Never Dies | 46.62 | ||
| 16 | A View to a Kill | 44.77 | ||
| 17 | TMwtGGun | 39.06 | ||
| 18 | No Time to Die | 37.5 | ||
| 19 | Quantum of Solace | 34 | ||
| 20 | Octopussy | 31.6 | ||
| 21 | Spectre | 16.2 | ||
| 22 | Licence to Kill | 16.15 | ||
| 23 | GoldenEye | 14.18 | ||
| 24 | Die Another Day | 14.06 | ||
| 25 | Dr No | 4.69 |
Still things to play for in the Final and 3rd Place Death-Off; the Moonraker v Thunderball match is likely to decide second place, which could still go to You Only Live Twice. It’s all so very complicated. Live and Let Die could slip to 8th, possibly lower, if it cannot withstand the thus-far totally dominant On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
MY GOD IT IS SO TENSE THAT I HAVE TAMPERED AMATEURISHLY WITH YOUR DNA AND YOU ARE NOW A RADISH. MANY WOULD CONSIDER THIS AN IMPROVEMENT.
(translates as: You did a fine job with my hair - but where are my shoes? My clothes? My life…?)
A rather alarming Final for All the Music sees OHMSS smother Live and Let Die in an avalanche, the latter getting no votes at all. If you’ve got a job to do, you’ve got to do it well? Nope. You’ve got to give the other fellow hell? Nope.
Anyway, whilst all the permutations of that bother my brain in working out, next up…
NEW CATEGORY ALERT! (It’s the pitiful squealing sound of the person whose service tip and thereby rent I refused to pay yesterday; a game I call “Another Waiter Dies”).
Action Sequences & Stunts
Possibly the earlier films might not have had the budget that later films did with their penchant for flinging Bond from a great height, but action sequences they certainly did have, so it all gets tumbled together, like a Bob Simmons judo roll somersault thingy.
Exception by example: although requiring colossal physical exertion, The Actor Pierce Brosnan attempting one sentence in German is not an action sequence nor, I hasten to add, a cunning stunt.
Because it is a new thing, the groups have been decided on where films ended up in the whole final reckoning in December 2025. Some possibly unlikely Seeds as a result for this category, so it may be an active one. Hence the name.
„Lass dich nicht verarschen“ („don’t let her make an ass out of you“), however, was a big laugh in the screening of the original version in Germany I attended.
So maybe it is a contender for Most Involuntarily Funny One-Liner?
There is probably a set of Sideswipe votes coming about inadvertently hootsome moments, in which doubtless The Actor Pierce Brosnan will feature more than “seldom”.
Voting in this new category really underscores how the series’ emphasis moved from suspense towards all-stops-pulled action spectacles - even if as early as FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE they add about 20 minutes of airborne/seaborne chase and explosions absent from the source material.
Looking at the last entry, NTTD, just the pre-title sequence features roughly as many shots and explosions as the first 10 films together. All of it excellently staged and acted with passion - but one misses the times when the pts wasn’t its own film and the gnus were not so busy throughout…
… and now is the time to drop the „we can also do the biggest action“-mentality and really go back to FRWL-style spy thrillers. Well done it could work and bring down the budget.
Jeff Bezos: So, honey, what would you like?
Mrs.Bezos: I see Bond as Fast and Furious, but topping the outrageous, you know what I mean?
