Deathmatch 2026

Some catching up on the homework.

Form table after Second Round - Henchpersons

Form (% shift) Place shift
1 Oddjob 94.44 (-1.39) -
2 Jaws 94.42 (-0.01) -
3 Grant 88.8 (+1.32) -
4 Xenia 86.64 (-0.84) -
5 Fiona 82.22 (+1.67) -
6 Wint & Kidd 76.66 (+0.28) +2
7 Irma 73.32 (-3.06) -
8 Necros 65.56 (-10.84) -2
9 Dario 53.36 (-3.62) -
10 Hinx 53.1 (+0.62) -
11 Tee Hee 41.12 (-8.88) -
12 Stamper 41.08 (-7.16) +3
13 Nick Nack 40 (-7.23) -1
14 May Day 37.8 (-5.28) -1
15 Chang 37.5 (-) +2
16 Locque 37.48 (-) +2
17 Gobinda 34.52 (-7.16) -3
18 Helga 33.34 (-5.56) -2
19 Ash 23.93
20 Renard 23.63
21 Taro 23.63
22 Patrice 22.25
23 Medrano 20.83
24 Zao 13
25 Kratt 5.58

Some gnawing in the mid-ranking (that can chafe, and I speak from personal experience) might distract from it being pretty even at the top. Necros falls from a great height, as is his habit, but that will still be a Top Ten finish.

Kratt’s still rubbish and I regret very much being persuaded even to consider him. A monument to colossal nothingness, he.

That’s probably a clear top five, although never rule out Wint & Kidd; they do get slightly annoyed if you do, and when annoyed, they are at their most dangerous.

6 Likes

And after the Quarter-Finals…

Form (% shift) Place shift
1 Oddjob 94.29 (-0.11) -
2 Jaws 89.47 (-4.95) -
3 Grant 87.73 (-1.07) -
4 Xenia 79.07 (-7.57) -
5 Fiona 74.4 (-7.82) -
6 Wint & Kidd 73.68 (-2.98) -
7 Necros 65.56 (-) +1
8 Irma 64.03 (-9.29) -1
9 Dario 53.36
10 Hinx 45.29 (-7.81) -
11 Tee Hee 41.12
12 Stamper 41.08
13 Nick Nack 40
14 May Day 37.8
15 Chang 37.5
16 Locque 37.48
17 Gobinda 34.52
18 Helga 33.34
19 Ash 23.93
20 Renard 23.63
21 Taro 23.63
22 Patrice 22.25
23 Medrano 20.83
24 Zao 13
25 Kratt 5.58

Jaws a bit wounded by his match with Fiona and although beating her (Jaws, where are your manners?), evidently it took the hate of a bad woman to impact him. Necros has a little bounce, which when one thinks about it probably is what happened to him, and Wint & Kidd find themselves in the Semi-Finals, the scamps.

Irma Bunt evidently doing just about enough to remain Top Ten and a Seed. Grunther? Pah. Fie to that, I say. Fie. Nah nah nah, not listening. Although that’s because I’m old and selectively deaf.

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I wonder why Xenia ranks so high.

Is it her sadistic glee when killing? Apart from that she is quite… um… bland. As are many henchmen or most or all in the Brosnan era.

2 Likes

I think it is precisely that blend of over the top gleeful sadism wrapped up in such a seductively attractive package. Xenia’s not simply beautiful and evil, she’s decadently and perversely evil. She gains apparent sexual delight and titillation out of her sadism. I think that’s fairly unique within the series.

Am I forgetting someone? I supposed the history on Red Grant puts him in there too, but we don’t really see that.

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I wonder why Patrice is so low? Could it be SKYFALL‘s real henchperson is - dare I speak it? - Moneypenny?

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Careful, now. She’s everywhere Everywhere! She’s sitting at her desk (usually), kissing your liver (I do mean liver), eating dinner with your family (or just eating your family). You’re a kite dad-dancing in a gusty wind flap. Her bad side is a dangerous place to be! She’s out on her own and out for revenge. And pudding (that’s you, that is).

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And all of that because M forgot her birthday!
Thank you M, thank you very, very much!

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In the original script of SKYFALL, she doesn’t just shave Bond–she slits his throat and makes it look like Q did it.

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I don’t know why either. It’s a mystery to me. He seems very competent. He kills an MI6 agent and steals a vital hard drive that the agent was in possession of, he successfully pulls off a sky-rise assassination that took some effort to make happen, and not once, but TWICE, engages in a really good fight scene with James Bond. His biggest problem is that he’s not in the film more than those two scenes, but they are among the best scenes in the film.

I maintain that Patrice and Gobinda are the two most underrated henchmen in the series.

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But is he realy a henchman?
It looks like he maybe is a hitman, or contract killer.

3 Likes

Perhaps, but he’s the closest thing to a main henchman in Skyfall.

2 Likes

With a couple of shocking Semi-Finals now exhausted, the form table going into the final round for Henchybods proclaims itself as:

Form (% shift) Place shift
1 Oddjob 87.96 (-6.33) -
2 Grant 83.93 (-3.8) +1
3 Jaws 82.25 (-7.22) -1
4 Xenia 79.07
5 Fiona 74.4
6 Wint & Kidd 70.3 (-3.38) -
7 Necros 65.56
8 Irma 64.03
9 Dario 53.36
10 Hinx 45.29
11 Tee Hee 41.12
12 Stamper 41.08
13 Nick Nack 40
14 May Day 37.8
15 Chang 37.5
16 Locque 37.48
17 Gobinda 34.52
18 Helga 33.34
19 Ash 23.93
20 Renard 23.63
21 Taro 23.63
22 Patrice 22.25
23 Medrano 20.83
24 Zao 13
25 Kratt 5.58

Given a traditionally strong performance, quite a turn of events not to see Jaws progress. Grant qualifies relatively easily for The Final, which is more than Kronsteen ever has, so that probably puts the lie to his being anything other than Other Villainy, category to come in December. He might strengthen the chances, there…

Milder shock perhaps, but for the traditionally impregnable Oddjob to draw is pretty much unprecedented. Comes through on the basis of considerably better form, votes for etc. in earlier rounds, but as Wint & Kidd are now guaranteed a placing, there’s still something to play for. How they manhandle Jaws, a big lad, remains to be seen. Perhaps better unseen. One suspects a Dolly and scorpion interface situational encounter isn’t far off, either. She’ll probably eat it.

5 Likes

Next category is a new one - Story.

Not so much screenplay, some of which can be intermittently witty and diverting (e.g. Diamonds are Forever), nor the villain’s plot, some of which can be a little frail (e.g. Diamonds are Forever), nor the storytelling, visual and written, some of which can be cheap and slack (e.g. Diamonds are Forever) but the overall yarn, the actual tale that is told and done by the end credits, some of which can be absolute weasel cack (e.g. Diamonds are Forever).

So that starts tomorrow.

4 Likes

Looking forward to it!

3 Likes

Me as well. Great category.

3 Likes

Henchies done, final outcomes are:

Knockout result 2026 - Henchpersons

Winner: Grant
2nd: Oddjob
3rd: Jaws
4th: Wint & Kidd

…which breaks the cycle of…

Deathmatch outcomes over the years - Henchpersons

2022 2023 2024 2025 2026
W TSWLM TSWLM TSWLM TSWLM FRWL
2 Goldfinger DAF Goldfinger Goldfinger Goldfinger
3 Thunderball Goldfinger DAF DAF TSWLM
4 OHMSS Thunderball Thunderball GoldenEye DAF

The Grant Effect seems to have paid off in shaking up what was becoming a bit monotonous.

Overall Deathmatch knockout outcomes to date - 2026

Villain Music Action & Stunts Bond Woman Hench
Winner Moonraker OHMSS TSWLM From Russia with Love OHMSS From Russia with Love
Runner-Up Skyfall Live and Let Die Casino Royale TSWLM Casino Royale Goldfinger
3rd Goldfinger Thunderball OHMSS Goldfinger Goldfinger TSWLM
4th From Russia with Love Moonraker Thunderball Casino Royale TSWLM Diamonds are Forever

Perhaps a bit of a closed shop but it might confirm a number of long-held suspicions.

Final Form Table - Henchpersons

Form (% shift) Place shift
1 Oddjob 82.8 (-5.16) -
2 Grant 80.1 (-3.83) -
3 Jaws 79.47 (-2.78) -
4 Xenia 79.07
5 Fiona 74.4
6 Wint & Kidd 66.51 (-3.79) -
7 Necros 65.56
8 Irma 64.03
9 Dario 53.36
10 Hinx 45.29
11 Tee Hee 41.12
12 Stamper 41.08
13 Nick Nack 40
14 May Day 37.8
15 Chang 37.5
16 Locque 37.48
17 Gobinda 34.52
18 Helga 33.34
19 Ash 23.93
20 Renard 23.63
21 Taro 23.63
22 Patrice 22.25
23 Medrano 20.83
24 Zao 13
25 Kratt 5.58

Kratt. Is not coming back. However, reviewing performance over the years…

Seeds and Pots for 2027

2022 2023 2024 2025 2026 Average form Seed/Pot 2027
Dr No 22 20 18 20 21 20.2 Pot 2
FRWL 9 15 15 13 2 10.8 Pot 1
Goldfinger 3 1 4 1 1 2 Seed 2
Thunderball 4 4 5 4 5 4.4 Seed 5
YOLT 15 18 10 14 18 15 Pot 2
OHMSS 8 8 12 6 8 8.4 Seed 7
DAF 2 5 3 3 6 3.8 Seed 3
LALD 14 6 9 7 11 9.4 Seed 8
TMwtGGun 13 9 14 12 13 12.2 Pot 1
TSWLM 1 2 1 2 3 1.8 Seed 1
Moonraker 12 11 11 16 15 13 Pot 1
FYEO 10 16 17 15 16 14.8 Pot 1
Octopussy 23 12 16 17 17 17 Pot 2
AVTAK 5 14 8 8 14 9.8 Seed 9
TLD 11 7 6 9 7 8 Seed 6
LTK 17 13 7 11 9 11.4 Pot 1
GoldenEye 6 3 2 5 4 4 Seed 4
TND 19 17 22 18 12 17.6 Pot 2
TWINE 16 22 23 24 20 21 Pot 3
DAD 21 24 21 23 24 22.6 Pot 3
C Royale 20 23 24 22 25 22.8 Pot 3
QoS 25 25 25 25 23 24.6 Pot 3
Skyfall 18 21 19 21 22 20.2 Pot 3
Spectre 7 10 13 10 10 10 Seed 10
NTTD 24 19 20 19 19 20.2 Pot 2

Some new players - Miss Taro, General Medrano - didn’t do as badly as others had done in previous years, but Miss Taro is in the bin because Prof. Dent did tend to win a match now and again. Admittedly Casino Royale’s never done that well, and consider the run of feeble henching that makes up Pot 3.

Grant, despite a stellar performance, can’t get into the Seeds. Hinx remains mystifyingly popular although given the fools surrounding him, may just be by default. Might keep Logan Ash for No Time to Die, or perhaps use that idiot doctor man who seems to have his performance directed by someone else completely. Irma Bunt didn’t do as well this year but I cannot be persuaded that Grunther would do any better. Also, she scares me. You tell her she’s dropped.

Most Valuable Player - needs a knockout placing to qualify

Placings Wins Top Tens Top Form Points
OHMSS 3 2 5 2 12
FRWL 3 2 5 1 11
TSWLM 4 1 5 1 11
Goldfinger 4 0 5 1 10
Moonraker 2 1 5 1 9
Casino Royale 3 0 5 0 8
Thunderball 2 0 5 0 7
Skyfall 1 0 3 0 4
Live and Let Die 1 0 2 0 3
DAF 1 0 2 0 3

New entrant with Diamonds are Forever, although query how much more impact it will have. Slightly closer than it has been in previous years at this halfway stage. Interesting how many are now bunched up with 5 Top Ten finishes.

Top Ten of Everything to date

5 visits to Top Ten 4 visits to Top Ten 3 visits to Top Ten 2 visits to Top Ten 1 visit to Top Ten Yet to bother the scorers
FRWL LTK TLD Dr No YOLT TMwtGGun
Goldfinger Skyfall DAF AVTAK Octopussy
Thunderball Live and Let Die GoldenEye TWINE
OHMSS FYEO QoSolace DAD
TSWLM TND Spectre NTTD
Moonraker
Casino Royale

Told you. Chang and (for flip’s sake) …Kratt were never going to get into the Top Ten so albeit 6 rounds in, none have finished in the Top Ten in all 6 rounds so far. Momentum might shift to some of those who have now caught up. Interesting to see Licence to Kill doing pretty well but there are some categories coming (e.g. garb, titles) where it’s often done poorly. GoldenEye breaks out of the Club Zero and those still yet to do that have an air of familiarity about them.

Bonus Points

Film Bonus Points
1 Licence to Kill 43
2 Tomorrow Never Dies 39
3 Moonraker 23
4 From Russia with Love 19
5 Quantum of Solace 17
6 The World is Not Enough 15
7 The Living Daylights 14
8 OHMSS 11
9 A View to a Kill 9
10 Skyfall 8
11 Octopussy 2
12 Die Another Day 1
13 Spectre 1
14 For Your Eyes Only -2
15 Casino Royale -2
16 Thunderball -3
17 The Spy who Loved Me -3
18 The Man with the Golden Gun -4
19 GoldenEye -8
20 No Time to Die -8
21 You Only Live Twice -9
22 Live and Let Die -12
23 Dr No -16
24 Goldfinger -22
25 Diamonds are Forever -26

Despite performing traditionally pretty well, Wint & Kidd finished 3 places lower on form this year so the drop continues… halfway through this year’s cycle of violence and can anything stop Licence to Kill?

Overall Top Tens as voted for by you lot

Villain Music Action & Stunts Bond Woman Hench
One Moonraker On Her Majesty’s Secret Service The Spy who Loved Me From Russia with Love On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Goldfinger
Two On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Thunderball On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Casino Royale Casino Royale From Russia with Love
Three Goldfinger You Only Live Twice Casino Royale Thunderball Goldfinger The Spy who Loved Me
Four A View to a Kill Goldfinger For Your Eyes Only Goldfinger From Russia with Love GoldenEye
Five Thunderball Moonraker Licence to Kill The Spy who Loved Me The Spy who Loved Me Thunderball
Six Licence to Kill Diamonds are Forever Skyfall The Living Daylights Thunderball Diamonds are Forever
Seven Skyfall The Living Daylights Live and Let Die Moonraker Dr No The Living Daylights
Eight The Spy who Loved Me Casino Royale Tomorrow Never Dies Skyfall Tomorrow Never Dies OHMSS
Nine Casino Royale Live and Let Die Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Moonraker Licence to Kill
Ten From Russia with Love From Russia with Love Quantum of Solace Dr No Licence to Kill Spectre

Only ones with Bond, Woman, Villain and Hench in the Top Ten - From Russia with Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, The Spy who Loved Me. Yeah, might be right, that.

And next, “Story”.

7 Likes

The new category of Story have reached the conclusion of its Group stage, the tale told is:

Group A Played W D L F A GD % Points
Skyfall 4 3 1 0 50 22 28 69.45 10
Goldfinger 4 3 1 0 49 23 26 68.08 10
Licence to Kill 4 2 0 2 43 29 14 59.7 6
No Time to Die 4 1 0 3 29 43 -14 40.28 3
DAD 4 0 0 4 9 63 -54 12.5 0

Rare to have a tie at the top of a table, and interesting (go on, it is, sort of) that the generally perceived archetype and a generally perceived departure from that norm finish in the top two places. No Time to Die has a story but perhaps not one many wanted told; gets by as a Lucky Loser, though. Die Another Day would appear to have a beginning, a middle and an end, and they’re all poor. Licence to Kill gets through as Lucky Loser 1; a minor revolution against the standard ingredients albeit eventually feebly succumbing to them, overall.

Group B Played W D L F A GD % Points
TSWLM 4 4 0 0 53 19 34 73.6 12
FYEO 4 3 0 1 42 29 13 59.4 9
GoldenEye 4 2 0 2 40 31 9 56.73 6
DAF 4 0 1 3 23 48 -25 32.18 1
QoS 4 0 1 3 20 51 -31 28.1 1

Fairly routine group, but not the highest scoring one. Quantum of Solace’s tale may get lost in the presentation; Diamonds are Forever’s arguably wasn’t really there to begin with. GoldenEye a Lucky Loser, and the other two are solid, textbook, boilerplate stuff, if not exactly setting the world on fire, although that is the story in one of them. IRONY!

Group C Played W D L F A GD % Points
OHMSS 4 4 0 0 68 4 64 94.43 12
TND 4 2 1 1 39 33 6 54.18 7
TLD 4 2 1 1 33 39 -6 48.85 7
YOLT 4 1 0 3 27 45 -18 37.5 3
Spectre 4 0 0 4 13 59 -46 18.05 0

If anyone can explain the story of The Living Daylights in 30 words or fewer, they get a biscuit. Otherwise, an expected winner here because, ultimately, there is a story being told there. There’s a story being told in Spectre too, but it’s a really annoying one. Tomorrow Never Dies seems to possess ongoing contemporary relevance, and a cunnilingus joke, so hooray for it.

Group D Played W D L F A GD % Points
FRWL 4 4 0 0 68 4 64 94.4 12
Thunderball 4 3 0 1 38 34 4 52.8 9
Dr No 4 2 0 2 36 36 0 50 6
Octopussy 4 1 0 3 24 48 -24 33.35 3
TMwtGGun 4 0 0 4 14 58 -44 19.45 0

I suppose the fallacy of the Group Stage is having to decide whether the story of Octopussy is any better that the story of The Man with the Golden Gun, whilst it being very obvious that they’re both terrible. Dr No hitting bang average is probably logical, and that’s a fearsome start for an almost dead-straight Fleming adaptation. Hmm.

Group E Played W D L F A GD % Points
Casino Royale 4 4 0 0 64 4 60 94.13 12
Moonraker 4 3 0 1 38 30 8 55.88 9
LALD 4 2 0 2 31 37 -6 45.6 6
AVTAK 4 1 0 3 18 50 -32 26.45 3
TWINE 4 0 0 4 19 49 -30 27.95 0

That theme continues here, and may be an overall deciding factor come the end of the category. Although The World is Not Enough outperformed A View to a Kill on form, it lost all its matches so finishes last. That can happen. It obviously doesn’t matter. A mixed group, possibly (generously) demonstrating the elasticity of Bond tales - a contemporary Fleming-vibe, an outlandish parody, a pared-back exercise in borderline racism, a Goldfinger clone and a fatuous telenovela. Breadth, that.

Form table after Group stage - Story

Form Seed Group Outcome
1 FRWL 94.44 7 Winner D
2 OHMSS 94.43 3 Winner C
3 Casino Royale 94.13 6 Winner E
4 TSWLM 73.6 2 Winner B
5 Skyfall 69.45 10 Winner A
6 Goldfinger 68.08 1 Runner-Up A
7 Licence to Kill 59.7 Lucky Loser 1
8 FYEO 59.4 Runner-Up B
9 GoldenEye 56.73 Lucky Loser 2
10 Moonraker 55.88 5 Runner-Up E
11 TND 54.18 Runner-Up C
12 Thunderball 52.8 4 Runner-Up D
13 Dr No 50 Lucky Loser 3
14 TLD 48.85 Lucky Loser 4
15 LALD 45.6 Lucky Loser 5
16 NTTD 40.28 Lucky Loser 6
17 YOLT 37.5 8
18 Octopussy 33.35
19 DAF 32.18 9
20 QoSolace 28.1
21 TWINE 27.95
22 AVTAK 26.45
23 TMwtGGun 19.45
24 Spectre 18.05
25 DAD 12.5

As a first run of the category, and Seeds based on overall finish last year, this was always going to be a bit of a mess, and it’s turned out quite the opposite: it’s a lot of a mess. Don’t think we’ve ever seen two Seeds fail to get through to the Second Round before. Still, Die Another Day provides reassurance, if not satisfaction, and there’s evidently going to be carnage in the Second Round. Lovely.

Bonus Points

Because it’s a new category, no changes from the end of the Henchperson stage, but a reminder and an opportunity to consider that this is going to go a bit nuts by the end of this category. Putting the gory into category, it’s what it’s here for.

Film Bonus Points
1 Licence to Kill 43
2 Tomorrow Never Dies 39
3 Moonraker 23
4 From Russia with Love 19
5 Quantum of Solace 17
6 TWINE 15
7 Tomorrow Never Dies 14
8 OHMSS 11
9 AVTAK 9
10 Skyfall 8
11 Octopussy 2
12 Die Another Day 1
13 Spectre 1
14 For Your Eyes Only -2
15 Casino Royale -2
16 Thunderball -3
17 The Spy who Loved Me -3
18 TMwtGGun -4
19 GoldenEye -8
20 No Time to Die -8
21 You Only Live Twice -9
22 Live and Let Die -12
23 Dr No -16
24 Goldfinger -22
25 Diamonds are Forever -26
6 Likes

Round 2 of Story, another chapter done, and the form plays out as:

Form (% shift) Place shift
1 OHMSS 95.54 (+1.11) +1
2 From Russia with Love 94.4 (-) -1
3 Casino Royale 91.96 (-2.17) -
4 Skyfall 71.12 (+1.67) +1
5 TSWLM 71.1 (-2.5) -1
6 Goldfinger 67.8 (-0.28) -
7 For Your Eyes Only 58.64 (-0.76) +1
8 Moonraker 54.7 (-1.18) +2
9 Tomorrow Never Dies 53.34 (-0.84) +2
10 GoldenEye 52.04 (-4.69) -1
11 Thunderball 51.12 (-1.68) +1
12 Licence to Kill 51.1 (-8.6) -5
13 Live and Let Die 40.92 (-4.68) +2
14 The Living Daylights 40.2 (-8.65) -
15 No Time to Die 40 (0.28) +1
16 Dr No 40 (-10) -3
17 YOLT 37.5
18 Octopussy 33.35
19 DAF 32.18
20 QoSolace 28.1
21 TWINE 27.95
22 AVTAK 26.45
23 TMwtGGun 19.45
24 Spectre 18.05
25 DAD 12.5

The more notionally “faithful” to Fleming do seem to dominate, although Dr No took a tumble into the reactor here. From Russia with Love has achieved 94.4% of the vote in all five games played, which is unusual, but even that impressive consistency can’t stop On Her Majesty’s Secret Service leading at present. That might be a top ten finish for two Brosnans, unheard of elsewhere, and at least there’s some Christopher Wood love in the room; this satisfies me, even if they’re basically the same story.

6 Likes

Quarter-Finals for Story now done, form table narrates the carnage:

Form (% shift) Place shift
1 OHMSS 93.65 (-1.89) -
2 From Russia with Love 93.58 (-0.82) -
3 Casino Royale 90.67 (-1.29) -
4 TSWLM 66.27 (-4.83) +1
5 Goldfinger 66.15 (-1.65) +1
6 Skyfall 61.97 (-9.15) -2
7 Tomorrow Never Dies 53.34 (-) +2
8 GoldenEye 52.04 (-) +2
9 For Your Eyes Only 51.5 (-7.14) -2
10 Thunderball 51.12 (-) +1
11 Licence to Kill 51.1 (-) +1
12 Moonraker 47.3 (-7.4) -4
13 Live and Let Die 40.92
14 The Living Daylights 40.2
15 No Time to Die 40
16 Dr No 40
17 YOLT 37.5
18 Octopussy 33.35
19 DAF 32.18
20 QoSolace 28.1
21 TWINE 27.95
22 AVTAK 26.45
23 TMwtGGun 19.45
24 Spectre 18.05
25 DAD 12.5

Severe damage done here to Moonraker, and it won’t be in the Top Ten; Thunderball benefits. Depending on the outcome of the Semi-Finals, there’s still evidently capacity for change amongst the top three.

MY GOD IT IS SO TENSE THAT I SHALL HAVE TO ABANDON MY STATUS AS A NON-WORKING NON-ROYAL.

7 Likes

Netflix is always a possibility. Or Mrs. Jim becoming a shoe influencer.

4 Likes